Yesterday I woke up thinking about something… and then I read this post about childless friends, and thought I should add my “semi-related” thoughts about socialising.
When I used to work out of the house a million years ago, and would socialise with people from the office after hours, I made note of the ones who tended to talk shop all the time. They could talk about office-life 24 hours a day, it seemed. I learned to steer clear of them whenever I could at events. Those people were super dull. Snoozefest. Bo-ring.
Fast forward to being a mum at home… I go to play-groups and to play-dates, and to parks, and to pools. The child/children and I, another mum or two (or more) plan to meet at various places. We go grocery shopping. Sometimes we head downtown together. We while the day away with talk of diapers and discipline and detergent sales. Good times. And it’s good to be surrounded by people you enjoy.
When I have a date to go out with my foxes, I don’t want to talk much about kids. Not really. A person can be feeling crazy about something in particular, and sometimes oftentimes this has a lot to do with kids. They can be a struggle. Unloading some of that craziness to people who understand you is a good thing.
But I don’t want to talk about poop schedules or about paediatricians. Or about sleep-schedules. Or about after-school activity schedules. For me, that’s daytime conversation. It’s the on-the-job stuff I’m trying to get away from.
Sometimes there are interjections relative to one’s own kids that usually start with Oh, can I just say this one quick thing, and then we’re not talking about kids… which is awesome, and cool with everyone. And they’re the tidbits we all want… milestones like first steps, first days of school, or first lost teeth… we all want to hear that stuff. We love each other’s kids – of course we do. We all want happy and good things for the kids in our lives.
But.
Tonight I am out. For the moment, I am off-duty. I’ve put on clean jeans and some kind of sheer or sequin-y- or awesome-like blouse, complete with make-up and lip gloss. And heels. I have a fancy handbag. I am away from my “office” for a limited time – pumpkin hour comes quickly – and there’s only so much wine we can consume before we regret it.
So do I want to talk about diapering? Oh hells to the NO!
(Please take my shoes off… you’re not invited anyway.)
Let’s talk about our own sleep schedules. And about the television we’re up late watching-therefore-not-sleeping. And about the BEST new pants we’ve found. And about the sex we’re having lately. Or not having lately. Or about a movie or book recently sucked in. Let’s talk about something that broke your heart recently. Or about something that made you smile.
Now and then, kids come up as part of the conversations quite naturally – they’re an enormous part of a parent’s life – they live in your house, you know! But they’re not the only part of a life. They’re not the only part of my life. Not everything I do is about them. Our lives fit together, of course, but I make no apologies about not wanting everything I do to revolve around them.
I like hanging out with like-minded ladies – and our numbers are strong. The ones that jibber-jabber too much about junior’s teething problems or explosive poo-poos over cocktails will be quickly left behind by the hardcore. Your verbal diarrhea is harshing my mellow. It is cutting into my fun time, and I will resent you for it. If you’ve got nothing sexier to discuss, please stay home.
So yeah. I don’t want to talk about puke any more than I have to when I’m out for the evening. Chances are, I have some puke of my own to deal with at home. *touches wood*
There. I said it.
Oh, and one more semi-related item: if an invitation reads “adult party” you MUST get a sitter. No sitter? Then you’re S.O.L. and won’t be attending. It’s not my rule – that’s just how the world works, okay?
Got friends who can’t limit the baby-talk? Are they still your friends?
I third the getaway….and Tracey – I love this post. We have a book club – almost all moms; and sure, we get sidetracked into kid talk but then we stop ….and they’re shelved again for OUR night. I love it.
I second the UrbanMoms getaway!
Great post, Tracey. 🙂
Just getting back into the socializing sans kidlets….again, our location sucks so it’s hard to get out (and it’s hour drive, each way,for dinner and a movie dudes!)
I think the “s” is British, so English, not French. The “z” is American…I think…too lazy to look it up right now.
In order for all of “us” to get together without kids we need an urbanmoms getaway……where should we go? Let’s start planning now!
Anyone, anyone?
I will be there as soon as I can escape the zoo, ma belle! And I so love a party… consider yourself warned!!
(Funny about the “s” instead of “z”… I’ve been spelling those kinds of words with an “s” for ages and ages… I got it in my head that it was more Canadian once upon a time, and now I can’t stop. And spellcheck never trips me up… so there’s that. Hee!)
When oh when are you coming to Toronto so we can socialize???
I purge all my kid stuff on here so when I’m out with my “foxes” (love!) I do not want to talk about mine or hear about theirs.
(I love how you spell it “socialise” – so french of you!!)