Recently, I served my son an after school snack of cookies and milk (because I’m all Martha like that) and after nibbling at the chocolate-covered discs, he drained the last of his milk into hi mouth without stopping. Adorable.
And then he did something I’ve never seen him do before: he plucked at his shirt from chest-level, lifted it to his mouth, and WIPED the milk moustache away.
I shrieked.
“OLIVER! What the…? Did you just…? Hey, man!!”
He started giggling. He always giggles when I say Hey, man…
But I was being completely serious. “Oliver! Did you wipe milk off your mouth with your shirt? What kind of behaviour is that? Disgusting!!”
“Uh, sorry. I forgot.”
He didn’t forget. He’s never done this before. He used a napkin. Because napkins are for wiping mouths and faces – not shirts. Not ever. He knows this.
“Oliver, really. PLEASE use a napkin. It’s important. Never, ever with your shirt, okay?”
“Okay.”
This summer I noticed something different about how he ate his sandwich. He’d put it in his mouth, but instead of just biting it, he’d clamp down and tear his head away from the sandwich. Like a caveman.
Not at my table, sir. Not in my house.
“Um, Oliver? Is there a problem with your sandwich? Is the bread too hard or something?”
He looks at me, and then at his sandwich, and then back at me. “Uh, no? Why do you ask?”
“Well, you should bite it with your teeth, darling. You don’t rip a piece off… you bite it. Please. It’s polite.”
“Okay.”
And don’t talk with your mouth full. And please remember to offer the bowl, and not extend a cracker with your fingers to our guests. And for goodness sake, DON’T lick your plate like like that!
Le sigh. It all seems like such minutea, but at the end of the day, manners are important. They show respect for others around you, and I won’t accept him not knowing any better. Not while I’m alive anyway.
I do believe one of the things that attracted me most about my husband was his lovely table manners.
Manners sooooo matter to me. In both girls & boys, but for some reason I really harp on the boys I teach…
I mean, they don’t hold doors, they push past female classmates and TEACHERS to get into a room or through a door first. They burp in the middle of class. Don’t say please or thank you unless prodded.
Sigh.
Yesterday, my breaking point, was when a group of my grade 8 boys pushed past a PREGNANT teacher because they wanted to get to the cafeteria faster… they spent their lunch with me, writing apology letters:)
So, ya, I’m a hardass for manners too.
Gosh, Hayley… that IS bad! My son picks out those kinds of things in others too… mostly the adults. so far, I just pretend to ignore them if they don’t say please. my six year old is grand, but my 2.5 is power-struggling me about it. But I WILL NOT GIVE IN!! She can talk perfectly well – she needs to say please and thank you like everybody else.
I LOVE your idea of a jar… handy for so many things!! Does this mean I have to give my kids money now?
I totally agree with Julie – I think being consistent (in all things) is the key. It’s not easy. And I’m really not my kid’s favourite parent sometimes (especially these days – oy!) but after some time, it becomes automatic. And I don’t think it’s easily unlearned. Nothing worth having comes easy though, I figure.
I completely agree Tracey!
It is a very sad state of affairs when your 9 year old child asks why they never say “you’re welcome” at our local coffee drive through.
My children are constantly receiving compliments on their manners and not to say that isn’t nice, it is, but the sad thing is they are using the same manners I was brought up with…common manners….which apparently aren’t so common anymore.
It is a challenge at times when they pick up things from school, camp etc.
We spent a whole summer with a “Yes” jar. For every yup, ya, and uhuh I heard, it cost them 5 cents. My 13 year old lost $1.50 in one evening! Now I am happy to say we have broken the “ya habit”…well at least when I am around 🙂 And for now, that works for me. It means when I take my children to dinner in a restaurant or to someone’s home to visit and they are asked “would you like something to drink, eat, read etc.” They answer with a “yes please” not a “ya” or even “ya please”. If they are asked if they are enjoying something they answer with “yes” not “yup” or “uhuh”.
This may seem like a little accomplishment in a child’s life, but I believe good manners will open up a world of great possibilities!
I am so happy to hear that I am not alone 🙂
Hayley
i would honestly say, erin, with everything it’s consistency…no matter what. it’s not only the kids! it’s me, too! i am really catching myself with the “huh” all the time so i need to be consistent with my behaviour as well. parenting, the never-ending adventure!
I totally agree but I find it really difficult to enforce. Any tips for four year olds?
Man, you ARE a hardass! (You’re my kind of lady…) Our youngest it 2.5 and we’re just barely venturing into restaurants with her again, since the days of the bucket seat. It’s just not fun for anyone when they don’t act right. I’d rather stay home. (Actually, I’d just rather leave the offenders at home…)
I know! That “whaaaa…?” kind of crap drives me bonkers. I make them say “yes” and not “yeah” as much as possible too. Eventually, these things just stick, and can’t be unlearned. I think it’s a good thing.
Uchhhh… that’s awful. I’m not Ms. Etiquette either, but some ways of being just go without saying, don’t they? I wonder if she saw a video of herself if she’d be ashamed…
I’m totally with you on this. Will is only 2 but I’m already a bit all over him. He was raisign his voice at a restaurant the other night and after 3 times of asking him to stop..I grabbed him and walked out. My dad said I was being a hardass but I said ‘no he needs to learn to be polite at restaurants’.
It starts young!
I’m also with you on this one although I have to wonder if Oliver has been hanging around with my 9yr old who STILL swipes the leftover toothpaste onto his shoulder after he brushes – ARGH. Seriously?!?!
I agree with your entire post today.
Also. I hate when I say something and get a “huh?” or a “Whaa?” instead of a “Pardon?” or even a “What did you say?”
i am fully on board with you there. i have a friend who holds her fork like she’s a caveman stabbing her prey and it drives me nuts! you can learn a lot from someone’s table manners (not that i’m ms. etiquette here) but this is a non-negotiable item for me.