“The Best of the Best”
That’s how my Mom described Christmas 2008 – her last Christmas.
We had our whole family together for the first time in years, celebrating togetherness in moments like this one:
And it was, you know. The best of the best.
Which left me rather nervous about this year. This first Christmas without my mom. No more huge family gatherings: I was back with my family in Calgary, my Dad was visiting my baby sister and her family in England, and Jen was off to the Dominican Republic with her family and some friends. And Mom; well, Mom would be very noticeably absent.
As it turns out, the lead-up to Christmas Day was very, very busy. There was lots of shopping and wrapping to do, loads of baking and even a few parties. And just so you know, when you’re mourning, busy is good. So right up until the stockings were stuffed, I managed to keep my mind off it. And then, it hit me. This was Christmas. This was the most family-centred time of the year, and our family was missing someone. I wanted my Mom around, not even for my own sake: I wanted her to be there for her sake. I wanted her to be able to be with my Dad in England for my niece’s first Christmas. So yeah. Christmas Eve was hard. I really missed my Mom. And I wanted to think that she was with us, in some small way, so I spent a good deal of time looking at pictures of last Christmas, last spring, last summer. I spent a good deal of time remembering Christmases past, Christmases with her. I also spent a good deal of time crying.
But in the morning (early!) my two little angels managed to bring the joy back to the holiday. Like kids on Christmas morning (go figure!) they were high as kites and giddy with excitement. And their enthusiasm was so effervescent the happiness bubbled over and I was able to enjoy the morning.
By afternoon we headed over to friends’ for dinner (so nice not to cook the turkey myself!) and in the end, I can honestly say that I not only survived the first Christmas without my Mom, but I actually had a nice day. And I know that’s just how my Mom would’ve wanted it.
Christmas Eve and morning were the toughest for me too, Kath. I wanted to think of her but I found it just too hard so, to be honest, I tried to avoid it. What I learned was that I can and want to continue the tradition of a big family Christmas even without her here. Here’s hoping we’ll all be together next year! xo
I’m so glad you had a good day, Kath… and so sorry that Christmas Eve was hard. Thank goodness for pictures, hey? It’s both painful, and healing, to stare into them, but I think that’s a necessary thing.
Love to you in the new year. xo