She’s a Thief and a Liar, But She’s Mine

Okay, admittedly I’m being tongue-in-cheek (very), but the truth is, my younger daughter has been lying lately – a lot. It’s always about stupid stuff like, “but I already brushed my teeth!” or “yup, I cleaned my room when you asked me to”. But this kid could win a Darwin Award for her lack of criminal ingenuity sometimes. For instance, she hasn’t got the cunning to wet her toothbrush, or smear a little toothpaste on her tongue, so it’s totally easy to find her out. Which makes me wonder if the motivation behind the prevarication isn’t something other than just getting out of toothbrushing or undesirable chores. Perhaps she’s just pushing the boundaries of acceptable social behaviour in a safe setting: home.

And speaking of anti-social behaviour (and this is where the thief part comes in), earlier this week the kid shoplifted a ring from a souvenir shop in Canmore, AB. Sheesh! Okay, here’s the abbreviated low-down: we’re browsing a souvenir shop; she spots some rings she loves; I say “no”; I say “time to go”; I press her to leave; I tell her to put the ring down and come now. We wander the main street for another hour or so, and when we’re back at our condo, my older daughter tells me all about some elaborate trade deal she’s made with her younger sister. At the heart of said trade was a certain ring the littler one had “found” on the ground by the hot pool.

Yeah. RIIIIIGHT.

So, long story short I quietly and privately spoke with the little one about the origins of the ring. It didn’t take long before our criminal genius broke down and admitted she had taken it from the store. My first thought was to tell her that we’d have to go back to the store and she’d have to pay for it, with her own money. But I very quickly thought better of that plan when I realized that she would then still own the ring.

Hmmm…what to do?

In the end, I think I arrived at the best plan. We drove immediately back to the souvenir shop, and I explained to the clerk what had happened. She then apologized, and with some gentle coaching, told him that she knew it was wrong to steal and she’d never do it again. He very sternly told her that they normally just phone the police and let them deal with it – they don’t normally accept an apology, but he would this one time. I personally thought it was a bit much, but he did wink at me on my way out, so I suppose he thought it would be wise to put the fear of God into her, so to speak.

On the drive home we debriefed and discussed how she felt, and whether she would be tempted to steal again in the future. I felt very satisfied with the outcome, and pleased with the approach I took. She was genuinely afraid and embarrassed, which I felt was a logical and natural consequence of her wrong action (stealing). On the other hand, I didn’t shame or punish her – just made her take complete accountability for her actions. 

But, true to form, she later asked me, “Mommy, how come you didn’t tell the guy at the store that I took the ring by accident?”

My response, “well did you?” And hers, “yes. [pause, pause] No.”

See? A thief and a liar. But: learning not to be, with a little help from me. And I guess that in the end, as parents, that’s our job.