Even the most expensive concealer cannot camouflage what I see in the mirror right now: enormous dark circles hanging beneath my bleary eyes. These are the result of years of sleep-deprived nights and early mornings.
Every mom I know has sleep issues. At any play date, birthday party or community centre, it’s an echoing theme of conversation: "I haven’t slept in months." "She’s teething again, we’re not sleeping at all." "I’m trying to Ferberize her but it’s not working".
In my case, my four-year old son is a delightful sleeper…in our bed. He just can’t seem to get through the night without coming into our room. I’ve gotten so used to it now that it seems normal for our household. Around 3am, I hear the pitter patter of his little feet and then the thud of his throwing his little body in our midst. Of course, his mussed hair, heavy eyes, cuddly warmth and tight cuddles make him altogether impossible to turn away.
So we don’t turn him away. We embrace him in our bed and cuddle him closely till he falls back into a deep slumber. Eventually my husband or I leave our room and head to our son’s bed because there isn’t enough room. Sometimes in the morning, I wake up and I don’t remember which room I’m in because there has been so much movement in the night.
Every so often, I read a sleep column in a paper or scan a book at the library. However, I’ve largely come to accept that this is how it’s going to be for a little while. In all honesty, my son’s sleep habits mimic my own as a child. I very distinctly remember that feeling of having to climb into my parents’ bed in the middle of the night, and my dad being regularly relocated to the guest room because of it.
In comparison, my daughter is a peaceful champion of the night – facing the darkness and solititude with courage. She bravely stays in her crib for nearly ten hours, content to whisper to her dolls and sing songs for company. Sometimes when my son is ensconsed in our bed, I feel pangs of guilt about my daughter being alone in her room. But, I remind myself, that’s where she wants to be. Perhaps things will change when she’s out of her crib and has the mobility to wander into our room at all hours.
So, I accept these dark circles as a badge of motherhood and hope that they are not a permanent fixture on my face. The other hazards of this nighttime pandemonium include a weakening of my memory and a tendency to doze off during movies. A small price to pay for the love and warmth of my child at night. Soon, he’s going to be a teenager and not want to hang out with me at all.
Honestly I think it is a boy thing, speaking as a mom to three of them and tlaking to my mom-friends who have girls in the mix.My eldest was, well in his crib, but the crib was in our room, and then when he switched to a bed, one of us would have to lay with him until he fell asleep. Then with my second I learned the fine art (and necesary one) of nursing in bed (often while sleeping) at almost 8 he still comes into our bed once a week or more. Now my three year old, being the baby falls asleep in our bed, and then we transfer him (most nights) to his own bed, he then comes in somewhere in the darkness.
I too embrace it, and I realy apprciate hearing that it is normal in other homes.
The monkey’s still in her crib, so we don’t have any pitter pattering of tiny feet in the night…except kitty paws…. And, I do enjoy listening to her babble to her dolls in the morning, especially when she babbles herself back to sleep…. 😉 So cute….
Oh, Amreen, I could not have said it better! I actually find that I sleep better since we accepted at around the age of 2 that our now 7.5 year old is not a good sleeper…he too is like his mom was…and still can be! I find that I get more total sleep and we are not all stressed and sad in the middle of the night trying to force something on a scared boy. My daughter too is a much better sleeper (not as good as yours but better than her bro’).
I LOVE the fact that my son still needs his mommy sometimes. He is so independent. With friends and interests of his own. He has secrets with his pals and experiences I know nothing about. But, in the middle of the night he is still my baby who needs to snuggle and have a kiss from his mom (or dad) in order to sleep soundly. I will do this for him as long as he needs it because I know it is only a matter of time before he won’t.
Amreen, you are so dead on here! I LOOOOOVE your attitude towards your children’s sleep hygiene. I think as parents we run a serious risk of taking sleep issues too seriously and placing unneeded stress on ourselves and our children in order to force them to conform to a small window of “normalcy” as seen by a few doctors/authors. We, too, have one who is content to bide the night in solitude (she balks at sharing with her sis when guests take over the little one’s room) and one who comes for a visit almost every night. Sure, I’m tired. Sure it’s disruptive. But just because the sun goes down doesn’t mean I don’t have to be a mom anymore. I nurture ’em when they need it…under the sun OR the stars. Keep it up and love it while it lasts…
We have regular night visitors too: my three-year-old son (who quietly comes in and is often undetected until morning), then my six-year-old daughter (who feels the need to announce her arrival to her father – not to me, as the reception is not quite as positive). Last night, the baby was in there too… sore teeth in the middle of the night. Yep – I woke up this morning with 5, count ’em 5, people in my queen-size bed. Good times! 🙂