We’ve been in Calgary for almost a week. The Christmas rush is now over and we’re now enjoying some quality family time, and chilling out at home. I’m beginning to feel the end of my glorious second trimester, and the heaviness and fatigue of my final countdown is becoming more evident. All of a sudden, my stomach is bigger, and I feel the weight and movement of my third child constantly.
I understand why we’re given 9 months to prepare for a child. This time around especially, I’ve really needed the time to get my head around this new arrival. Away from Toronto, I’ve spent some time being still, full engaging in the movements of my baby and contemplating what this new person will be like. I watch my kids – their personalities are so clearly defined at these respective ages of 3 and 4.5, and they are so very different from each other. Their place in our family has created a dynamic among the four of us that is so comfortable and concrete. How is this new person going to fit in? Where will he or she place on the spectrum of highly sensitive and fiercely independent that currently describes my kids?
Up until now, I’ve been so consumed with my end of this pregnancy – how I’m feeling, how I’m coping, how I’m going to get through this. Only now, as I approach the six month mark, am I starting to consider this new person. I’m so curious – intrigued even – by this newness.
I’m simultaneously frustrated by my own limitations. I’m slower, more tired, more irritable. Sleep has become more challenging as I’m unable to find a comfortable position – ever. I’m emotional; the smallest things trigger a flood of tears and an intense longing for my own mother. The boundless energy of my kids fills me with amazement. I fully appreciate the blessing of my kids having each other as constant playmates. With an 18 month age difference between them, they are intensely close and finely in tune with each other. They have their own games, imaginary role playing and secret banter. They giggle and whisper to each other, sharing secrets and stories that only they understand. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, my son was only 9 months. I was completely freaked out and scared (much as I am now about the third) and someone said to me "Having kids that close together is a short-term sacrifice with long term gains". I’m finally feeling the truth of that and enjoying the benefits.
I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, Amreen, without your mom’s shoulder to cry on. My thoughts are with you.
Number 3 is bound to be the perfect fit…it’s inevitable!
Congratulations on having this great time to rest and reflect Amreen. I jsut wanted to take a moment as well and thank you for your wonderful and supportive comments this year. Your messages always seem to arrive exactly when I need to hear them.
Thanks for taking such great time for the rest of us while you are so busy mentally adjusting to your imminent changes.
Happy New Year.
What a wonderful way to think about your upcoming little one. I think I will try to think about our new little one’s personality & how he’ll find his place in our family, as opposed to focussing on this horrendous SI joint pain!! LOL!