Our urbanmoms.ca panel recently reviewed a new book called Safe Kids, Safe Families by Samantha Wilson. The author, who worked in London, Ontario as a police officer focusing on crimes against children, has written this book as a practical guide to protecting your children. Our urbanmoms.ca review panel for this book was made up of moms with children ranging in age from newborn to teenager.
The panel all agreed that, although a disturbing topic, the book did a good job of offering practical strategies on protecting your child. The information was presented in a way that was easy to understand and not too dramatic. The author addressed the fact that fear sells in the media and challenged our preconceptions about what the real threats are to our children – not the highly publicized stranger abductions that are in fact very rare but the unassuming family friend or the "friends" your teenager meets online.
Our panel was excited to have the opportunity to speak to the author.
How do you prepare your child without scaring them?
This is a common dilemma that many parents of inquisitive kids have. It is important to focus on the good and positive responses to your questions, rather than the scary and gruesome details of the aftermath. As a parent, you have the control of where the conversation leads. So always keep this in mind when talking about safety to your kids.
Traditionally, child safety education whether it is from the home or school, focuses on what would happen if you make unsafe choices. Often a lesson is followed by “if you don’t do this, he will abduct you, or you will fall and crack your head open, or he will take you and I will never see you again. These are all very scary images for kids. And by making them fearful, you are actually doing more harm than good.
When you ask your kids “What would you do if…. some approaches you and asks you to get into the car?” you are opening up a dialogue and conversation about a potentially scary situation that is bound to bring on some probing questions. So it is important that you focus on the correct response to the situation not what would happen if they got into the car. The details of what happens is not important, what is important is that they learn not to get into the car.
So the best way to prepare all kids to make safe choices without scaring them is:
Choose age-appropriate topics and lessons. Make sure that the information you are giving is age appropriate. You do not need to teach your kids about abduction, if they are 4 – 7 years old. There is no reason they should ever be unsupervised at this age, and they are not qualified for the job of protecting themselves. Instead you need to teach them what to do if they become lost or separated from you.
Focus on positive choices rather than scary outcomes. Encourage your children to look at the good that will result of a safe choice, rather than the bad that may result from a bad choice. If you ask them what to do if they are approached by someone that they don’t know that asks them to get into their car…and they answer “ run and tell an adult they trust and never get into the car” you should praise them for making the safe choice. If they ask what happens if they got into the car, your response should be, “you don’t know this person, I don’t know this person so anything could happen. People who try to get kids into their cars, are not nice and should never be trusted.
Do not give gruesome and frightening examples. Kids know that there are good guys and bad guys in the world. They don’t need to know the details of what a bad guy does. Especially at a very young age. All they need to know is that they can make a safe choice and that their parents will support this and reward it. Resist the temptation to answer your child’s questions with details that area not age appropriate and will only serve to increase their fears. Remember you are in control of the conversation and the direction it takes.