At the moment, I suck as a mother, a step-mother, a wife and a woman in general. I have just come home, at 9:30, after a very long day at work to bark at a 17 year old step-daughter who came home at the same time as me even though my last communication with her was that she would be home at 6:30. Of course, she barked back! Then, instead of thanking the 15 year old for watching the Gaffer so I could work late I barked at her for leaving the kitchen a mess. I would have yelled at the 13 year old boy for leaving the TV on, again! but he was asleep. I didn’t read the Gaffer a story at her request because I was too grumpy and that made her cry. Why is she even still awake? Mr. Husband ordered my favourite take out for dinner – Indian – but none of the dishes I like. I was ungrateful, ate them anyway because I eat when I am upset and now feel sick and very full.
That is why I am happy to have Jacquelyn Fletcher’s A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom beside me to remind me of all the things I don’t have to be. I knew I would be intrigued by the book by the title of the first chapter, “Cinderella’s Man Didn’t Have Any Kids; Why Does Mine?” Mr. Husband definitely presented himself to me as my Prince Charming and the way he behaved with his children was a huge selling feature. Not everyone gets to see what kind of parent their future spouse will be first hand and there is that bonus in marrying a man who already has children, but there are also many challenges.
I have been blessed with missing much of the movie-of-the-week melodrama of step-parenting. Mr. Husband and his ex-wife have good communication and get along well in their exhanges about the kids. We live 5 blocks apart so the toing and froing seems to work as well as it can.
This isn’t true for every step-family and absolutely no two families are alike, but we do have some similarities. Fletcher’s book offers great insights into what some of these trials and tribulations can be, and even references research, statistics and anecdotal evidence from other step-mothers and Jacquelyne’s own experiences as both a step-daughter and step-mother to three.
The back jacket of the book tells us that Fletcher offers advice, hope, encouragement, and much-needed answers to common conundrums, including:
Why don’t I have control over my own schedule?
What kind of relationship do I want with my stepkids?
What if I want to have a baby of my own?
How do we create a budget that feels fair if I make more money than my husband does?
A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom is essential reading for the professional woman who has it all–and then suddenly has more than she expected.
A weakness of the book for me is its occasional repetitiveness and its emphasis on the step-mom who comes from a highly successful business background. That is not me and I did not relate to all of the business jargon, but I did appear on many other pages. There are 17 chapters that all follow the same format.
Each chapter opens with The Career Girl’s Personal Assistant which frames tricky questions and situations in business language and action plans. There is then an explanation, analysis and anecdotes about the situations in other families. Finally the chapters end with Topics for Two which provide discussion points for the step-mom and her husband to work through. My usually cynical husband liked many of the questions and suggestions, but kept asking where the book was 7 years ago when we started on this journey.
Jacque and her family are a bit too touchy-feely for me and my family, but her book had many insights and provided a lot of aha! moments for me. She has a personal website on step-parenting with a monthly newsletter to which I subscribe http://www.becomingastepmom.com/ and I highly recommend.