Mornings

Have you ever noticed how much more ambitious, motivated and accomplished you are in the mornings? I mean, maybe it’s just me, but I find that I wake up every day with a fresh new outlook – and let’s quote us some Holly Hobbie here folks – “today can be the start of something good”. I know, hokey, innit? But for me it’s true. I usually have a few minutes of peace each morning to lay abed and ponder the day ahead. And I’m always frightfully optimistic. I list out the many great things I’ll do, and I feel encouraged about them all.

So: I’ve decided to harness the power of mornings, and use it for good. I’m going to get up, and straightaway do those things that will improve my life, before I get tied up in the day-to-day activities that chip away at my energy and resolve to the point where I’m eating cold pop tarts at 11:30 pm because I’m all discouraged and what the hell: there’s nothing better to do.

And so far, it’s working.

After nearly three months of utter neglect of my yoga practice, I woke up and did five sun salutations before my morning shower. It was so nice to get in touch with my yoga side again, but at the same time it was disheartening. When I was 25 pounds lighter and attending yoga classes three times a week, I could bend over at the waist and place my palms flat on the floor beside my feet, knees unbent. This morning, I reached my limit as my fingertips brushed my legs mid-shin. But with some gentle stretching, by the time I completed my fifth sun salutation I was able to just touch my toes with the very tips of my fingers, so I was encouraged to see some hint that the more limber, slimmer me is lurking somewhere within.

I’m also back on the wagon with Isagenix, the cleansing system I used back in the winter of 2008. Why cleansing, you ask? Well, first of all, because it worked. I lost weight, but more importantly, I felt great. Excellent, in fact. More optimistic, more productive and more motivated. I slept better and had more energy. I had amazing skin and a super attitude. And frankly, right now, I could use a little bit more of all of those. It also doesn’t hurt that making meals becomes much simpler and faster when two of those 3 meals are shakes!

So yes, I want to feel better. But I have to admit that I really, really, REALLY also want to look better (yes, I am a shallow and bad person). I hate that my six-year old prods me regularly in the belly and says, “Mommy, what’s that?” or “is there a baby in there?”. She’s not being mean, though, she just doesn’t remember me fat and she genuinely wants to know what’s behind this new – enhanced – aspect of me. Still, it feels like shit.

And that lady in the pictures this summer? The one at my sister’s wedding, and hanging out at the beach with my kids? Who is she anyway? What happened to the me I’d gotten used to over the last four years? The smaller me, the healthier me, the happier me? I hate looking into the mirror and not recognizing the person looking back at me.

I remember her, every morning, and promise her she’s coming back. Tomorrow: 10 sun salutations!