All of our featured products and services on urbanmoms.ca are tested and approved by our testing panel. The following is a review of Barbara Coloroso’s "Kids are Worth It!" by an urbanmoms.ca panel member.
If I had been asked to review Barbara Coloroso’s "Kids are worth it!" a year ago when I first purchased this book and my sons had recently turned five and two, I would not have been the most positive supporter of the national bestseller. Coming from a family upbringing where the parenting style was the polar opposite of Coloroso’s approach, quite frankly, I had a hard time buying into some of her methods and techniques.
I certainly agreed with her basic tenet that the role of a parent is to love their children unconditionally, and to empower and positively influence them by teaching them how to think, not what to think (who wouldn’t). I love her premise that you must teach your children that interactions with others should be kind, compassionate, fair and honest (of course!) I even agree with giving kids the opportunity to make lots of choices (even mistakes) and learn from them as long as the decisions they make are not, as Coloroso likes to say, "life-threatening, morally threatening or unhealthy". And, I was thrilled to discover that I was even using some of her methods already. So what was my problem?
Like anything in life there is theory and there is practical application. Coming from a more traditional family upbringing, some of Coloroso’s techniques do not always come naturally. She is quite upfront about the fact that her approach is no "quick fix" to the daily frustrations of parenting, and I would alert parents, especially those who came from a background like me, to invest in a huge pot of patience when setting out on Coloroso’s parenting journey. The rewards are not immediate, you have to be prepared to let some stuff go (does it really matter if they go to school wearing the red and green striped shirt with the orange pants and black socks?) You have to keep believing that, over time, this approach will have a positive outcome.
At first, some of her methods seemed so abstract that I really couldn’t connect them to my immediate daily needs, and there were times I thought the book was lacking in truly practical advice (apart from toilet training, allowances and getting your kids out of jail – really!) Eventually, I realised that the same few basic techniques apply to almost every situation, and with perseverance, I am discovering that Coloroso’s wisdom is paying dividends – not just for my children (well, the now 3 year-old is still in crash and burn mode), but for me too.
Now, if you are now imaging me as serene as Maria Von Trapp, and my children as two perfect angels oozing empathy and goodwill from every pore – think again. There’s life in a book and there’s real life. I do get frustrated and resort back to "because I said so" mode, especially when I am tired, and my kids are typical messy, rough and tumble boys. But, I do feel on the whole, that the Coloroso approach is paying off, and has formed a foundation I return to time and time again.
To wit, two recent events. First my highly competitive six year old who couldn’t stand to lose a game of hide and seek only a few months ago, was proudly and good naturedly cheering on his friend’s soccer team this past weekend, in the finals of a local competition, while he would dearly loved to have had the chance of winning a trophy himself. Second, this morning’s mass exodus from the house, when he realized half way to school that he had forgotten something he really wanted to show his classmates. While I was bracing for "disaster mode", he quite casually said,"That’s OK. I can show them on Monday."
Phew! Moments like this confirm that Coloroso’s book is definitely worth it!
If there were to be any improvements to Kids are worth it, I would suggest the following: 1. adding guidelines on age-appropriate behavioral expectations, 2. a more logical flow (it jumps from familiarizing you with the basics, directly to getting your kids out of jail – yikes!) and 3. the addition of some easy reference pages, as handy reminders and quick review during a crisis.
However, overall it’s a great book for all types of parents providing affirmation for those who already have Coloroso-style parenting approach, and offering great advice for those of us who feel that a little extra help is needed. Start reading it when your children turn two or three and remember, in the author’s own words: You’re worth it! Your kids are worth it!
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Kate – an urbanmoms.ca panel member