These days, fewer and fewer parents I know have extended family living nearby. The necessity of finding work in more challenging times means we must move away from cities and sometimes from provinces (or countries) we grew up in.
In the neighbourhood we live in, there are very few children whose grandparents live in close proximity. For those lucky ones, parents get to enjoy a different level of flexibility (in most cases), that having built-in babysitters nearby affords. They don’t have to spend as much on sitters because of this, plus their children get to spend more quality time with their grandparents, something I think is really missing from families these days.
But for many of us, finding work (or going to university) meant leaving the place we grew up in and moving to a locale that offered job prospects and, hopefully, a better life for us and our children.
We are one of those couples who moved away. While my husband’s parents are about an hour and a half away by car, my family is about 17 hours. At this point, I’m a stay-at-home-mom (and freelance writer) so I am not locked into any particular location. My husband works locally now but that could change and has changed in the past. How many times do we move for his job? We’ve already moved to three different cities since being married and now that two of our three kids are in school, it makes the thought of moving that much tougher.
We’ve been in our current location for almost five years now. We’ve established friendships, as have our children, and in some cases are able to swap babysitting with a few other moms on occasion. But mostly, if we have a need to get out at night or on a weekend, a paid babysitter is a must, if they’re even available.
On a more personal level, I find being away from family liberating in some ways, but sad and frustrating in others. I have always been close with my family and, being an only child, I depended a lot on my elders for companionship and assistance. Being away has meant being more independent (which is a good thing) but I have missed the comfort and reliability of family.
I know my parents hate being away from their grandchildren. They all still work so travelling to see us is not easy but we manage to connect with them a few times per year. Thankfully technology allows us to keep in closer touch, using not only phone and email but also Skype/iChat. At least we can put faces to those voices. I want my kids to grow up feeling as close as possible to their grandparents.
Cynthia is a freelance writer and stay-at-home-mom of three living in Southern Ontario. You can find her writing seriously at www.ckinnunen.com or silly and sleep-deprived at http://crumbsintheminivan.blogspot.com .


I live in NY and my daughter moved to Maryland. I’m bitter, angry and in grandparent world computer/phone relationships are not quality in any way shape or form. We have no choice but to tolerate them. We have raised an entire generation of ungreatful children who always feel like they need to get away from family as if you can’t be independent an hour away like the rest of us. Lucky me, I get to see my grandkids a few times a year and on holidays (at least the ones she’s not with his family).
I feel like she chose a big house over grandparents. NY is expensive, MD is not. I often think that her kids are going to grow up with poor values. My family is huge and my sisters get to see their kids because they stayed in NY. I grew up modestly seeing my grandparents every Sunday, my grandparents were an extension of my parents and meant the world to me. Kids could care less how big their house is, apparently it means alot to my daughter. I feel sorry for my grandkids. They have no idea who I really am, I have no idea who they really are. They play soccer, baseball, belong to a million clubs and one day they will be very lonely adults who don’t feel a proper connection to family. I get to speak to them often but it’s not a personal connection with hugs and board games and filling up the pool in the backyard to put them in it. I doubt as adults they’ll make an effort to see their grandparents. We will be the annoying old people who their parents forced them to visit a few times a year and when we die they will say “my grandmother died but it’s okay I hardly knew her and she was old”. This is my daughter’s decision. She is too young to understand that all we have is time and family. The rest could disappear in a minute. One fire and the house is gone. She’s young so she’s enjoying the couple, play date thing. She tells me I need to let me live her life. She doesn’t seem to care what it does to my heart, that I cry often or get that I’m not going to be around forever. I’ve gone on with my life. I have no choice. I don’t talk about my grandkids often, it hurts too much. I see them when I see them, I cry for a few days and then life resumes.