Today was one of the most strangely difficult days of my parenting career. I am not exactly sure why but I am an emotional wreck. My 2 1/2 year old daughter. My little beauty with flowing shoulder length hair (see pic to the left) was playing at a friend’s house when the friend’s brother decided to chop off her hair. I don’t mean a chunk or something that could be fixed into a cute, little bob, I mean ALL of it. She is bald, at least in patches.
When I first saw her I cried. Partly out of shock because I didn’t recognize her but also because of how bad it could have been. Her hair was cut so short in parts that she has grazes on her scalp. He even cut around her ears. What if his hands had slipped? What if she had turned quickly?
The crazy thing is, she doesn’t even care. I am trying so hard not to care either, but I do. Her hair was so cute – the ponytails and braids, headbands and clips. I know. It will be cute again but in the meantime I have to explain to everyone that my daughter is not a boy and is not recovering from a round of chemo. She was merely the victim of a 5 year old, overly enthusiastic barber!
My own vanity shocks me. Why does it matter? She is not hurt. She doesn’t care. I spent half an hour trying to get hair clips to stay in the remaining stubble and even suggested we get her ears pierced so people know she’s a girl. I told my husband I want to protect her from others’ reactions – but maybe I want to protect myself.
I know that in a few years, probably even less, we will laugh and think how funny and cute she looked with her brush cut. But for now, I must go and tidy up. The hair elastics and cute headbands I bought to match her fall outfits are mocking me.
Jen
Please share your comments below or email me with ideas for topics or experiences you would like to share.
I’m following Tracey over here as well…I love the true life admissions…I was in a bit of a panic over Will losing his cuteness when we went for his first haircut…and taht was under my control…(sort of!)…I love that your daughter didn’t give a crap Jen –
Oh Jen… I understand completely.
With my son’s recent haircut, I’m shocked to admit that I was worried that he would look… ordinary. I hate even admitting that out loud. *hangs head in shame*
It’s amazing what we *think* we feel about something, until the control is taken out of our own hands. It’s actually jarring. We all know it’s what’s inside that counts. It’s what we teach our kids too… and then life happens. Le sigh.
Given the date on this post, I’m sure her hair has all grown back, and she’s as gorgeous as ever… but I feel you. Really.
I am chuckling to myself as I read this discussion … my daughter is just about 7 months old and her hair is growing in after losing her newborn fuzz.
Even when she is dressed in pink or things with flowers people ask me how old “he” is, etc. It’s actually mildly amusing, because she is quite delicate and girly looking (for now, anyway).
I don’t think people even realize what they are saying half the time. It’s as though “he” is the generic term, like neuter in other languages (ie German, latin).
I would like to say don’t worry based on this observation, but I wonder if I, too, will fuss about gender identity as she gets older and inevitably falls prey to scissors some day herself.
Hopefully I will remember what all of you (and I!) have said and keep my humour about it.
Ha Ha Ha… all kids have something they must “get in to”… I suppose some are worse than others. And if you can’t use the cute hair ties and headbands, at least you can go shopping for the cutest and latest in adorable hats! : )
And although I agree with the person above that a 5 year old shouldn’t have scissors around a 2 year old… my question is how did those two kids have enough TIME alone to cut ALL that hair off… I guess I don’t think a 2 year old should be left unattended that long, a 5 year old isn’t a sitter… so isn’t exactly the one “responsible” for the haircut.
oh, I am so sorry! I would be shocked, too. My own girl is not very “girlie,” and I find that I tend to ‘hang on’ to the snippets of her appearance that proclaim, “I’m a girl!”
She has cut her own hair three times and even mine, once, when I was sleeping! (My hairdresser laughs and says she knows where my daughter is headed, career-wise, because in all cases she simply added appropriate layers to our existing cuts…!)
I was complaining to my sister after one of these unscheduled cuts and she reminded me that after one of her girls got a self-administered haircut, I said, “all little kids look funny sometimes. It will grow back!”
Still, I congratulate you for being willing to look at your own responses to this situation…your girl, bald or not, is lucky to have such a thoughtful mother.
The comments about our own vanity and our children’s self-image have made me think. As a mother to two boys, I always swelled with pride when people commented on how big and chubby my babies were. Now that my three month old daughter is looking the same, I correct people and say she’s “healthy”. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want people seeing my little girl as chubby. Ridiculous, but true.
My daughter is 2 1/2 and is just starting to get hair. I feel your pain. I got her ear’s pierced at 6 months of age because I couldn’t stand one more person calling her a boy (which didn’t work since our older generation automatically assumes all babies are boys).
But you must be proud of your little girl for not caring, this just shows how high her self esteem really is. And as a parent you are to be congratulated. Good work!
I would like to see some advice for stay at home dads. A young friend of mine died ,unexpectedly, leaving herhusband to cope with their only child, a n eleven year girl.He has retired and is undergoing a trying learning experience. We all try to help hum but some more advice would be invaluable.Thanks
Jen, I am outraged on your behalf! I agree, the major concern is safety – a five year-old should NOT be near a two year-old with scissors. EVER. But it’s not simple vanity that made you cry last night. Appearance and gender identity are important parts of a person’s psyche, and that boy has (temporarily) taken both away from your daughter. Children need to learn respect for others and their persons.
On the other hand, I know from experience how tempting it can be for children to go after hair with scissors…my 4 year-old has done it to herself THREE TIMES and to her sister once. Ack! This last time she scalped herself only two days after I had paid to have her hair professionally cut. She is now doing extra chores to pay me back the $12, and I hope she has learned that haircutting is a skill that must be left to the pros.