Did you ever notice that it is way easier to deal with your own imperfections and shortcomings than your children’s? We all want our children to be well behaved, empathetic, and respectful. We also want them to be smart, friendly, and to fit in. This is not because it makes our lives easier but because it makes their lives easier.
As many of you know, a few months ago my daughter’s beautiful, long hair was completely buzzed while at a friend’s house playing. I have spent the last few months reacting, defending, and explaining why my nearly 3 year old little girl is sporting pink and a brush cut. I know that she hears and she must feel insecure. She definitely doesn’t get the same reaction from people as she used to. This is hard. She is still just as sweet and cute. Things were definitely easier for her (and me) when she had the same hairstyle as all of her little playmates.
I find this true too of my children’s behaviour. Sometimes, when one of them is over the top emotionally I just wish I could will them to behave! There would be no more glares and stares from strangers and far more fun for everyone. Don’t they get it? Life would be so much more enjoyable for everyone if they just let it go.
This lack of control for a parent is especially difficult when you are dealing with a potential health or behaviour issue. Often change, whether positive or negative, can cause a child stress. This has been true in our household since I started working from home. My daughter is very happy to have me around but the change has been confusing. She started displaying some obvious signs of stress by holding on to the few things she could actually control: when she ate and when she went to the bathroom.
One day, I took her to preschool and had to tell the teacher that she hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before and hadn’t peed in 17 hours. When I came to pick her up and she had still not done either the preschool teacher instructed me to take her to the doctor immediately. How could I explain that we had already been…twice! That day, she went 20 hours without peeing and 24 without a meal.
This week I was speaking to a colleague who has recently started a wonderful new child care situation for her 2 year old son. Instead of employing a full-time nanny, her son attends preschool in the morning and his dad looks after him in the afternoon. He is ecstatic! However, he has also begun to develop a stutter. This is incredibly worrisome for his parents. Is it the stress of the change or, worse. His parents know how tough it can be growing up but facing the possibility of a lifelong speech impediment is causing them to panic.
We are so emotionally wrapped up in our children. In ways I could have never dreamed were possible before becoming a mom! We don’t want them to have to deal with hardship and facing struggles, from the small to the serious, is one of the most challenging aspects of this job.
If you or your child have ever dealt with a stutter or stammer and have information or resources you can share, please email me at jen@urbanmoms.ca or share your comments below.
From what I’ve heard of stuttering; it might start around the time speech starts to develop well so I don’t think the parents should feel like this is their fault. I thought stuttering was a neurological thing (which can be helped enormously by a good speech therapist) I would advise the parents to have their son assessed promptly before this becomes entrenched.
That said ;I do think that as a society we do overscrutinize our kids and their development which has led to a wave of overdiagnosis of non existant “syndromes etc” that limit parental expectations of their child’s potential before they have a chance to get off the ground.