Yesterday I got home from work, and the usual scene awaited me; my live-out nanny having a great time frolicking with my 16 month old son and her 6 year old daughter, having a great old time. My son running to me with open arms, gibbering about his day and demanding his nursing, is all I need after a day spent in the office pandering to various people about issues that are completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Now, my nanny is a wonderful woman, and she loves my son very much. She takes him out to the Board of Education parenting centre close to our home, and spends as much time in the park with him as she can. He has the best of all worlds and she is truly a boon to his existence – I could not ask for a better secondary caregiver for my son.
Yesterday she gave me her usual "report" about the day, what transpired, what my son played with, how he played, what he ate, when he slept, when he pooed. She takes the time every day to give me a download of his beautiful little life, and all the details that I am missing.
Imagine, then, my dismay at myself when I felt jealousy towards this exceptional caregiver when she started to tell me about the new words he has been trying to form. Every day there is something new. My only child, and I am not there to experience each little thing during this fleeting period called childhood…I am told about it when I arrive home. For some reason, the fact that he is enunciating new words without me there made me feel particularly sad.
And I continue to feel sad because the reality is, I do not know that I would happy as a stay-at-home Mom either, as I have worked my entire life, and have never been financially dependant on anyone. I wish I could have a balance…to be able to be there with/for my baby, yet feel fulfilled as an adult woman, and bring the revenues in that will enable us to maintain the lifestyle we want for ourselves, and our son.
Does anyone out there have the recipe? I’m trying to figure it out, and will share when I discover it…
This post was contributed by Leslie, an urbanmoms.ca member. If you would like to share your story please email it to jen@urbanmoms.ca.
I don’t know if there is a perfect balance. When we go to work, we worry about what we miss with our children. If we stay at home, we worry about the cost to our careers, not to mention the financial cost.
Personally, I work part time outside the home, and part time inside the home. I have a wonderful nanny that looks after my almost 1 year old son, and I have the luxury of being able to spend time with him every day. It helps, but there’s still the worry that I’m not doing enough. I think it’s the joy of being a mother.
I think there is no “perfect balance”. I am now working from home and I definitely enjoy it more than being gone all day. But, it has its own challenges that include the loss of personal financial freedom and a sense of self outside the home. If you have not been on the career path it is a hard thing to understand. I know this is something I have to reconcile and am glad I am still working as it does contribute to my self-esteem.
I think every situation and person is different and what makes you happy might not seem of value to someone else. The best gift you can give your child is a happy and fulfilled mom!
Jen
For me it was really quite simple. I have four children ages 8, 11, 14 & 21. In the early years, my oldest son attended a child care centre during the day while I worked. Over the years, I learned that I needed to stay home with my children until they were at least 3 to 3 1/2 years old. During my “stay home” time, I took care of other people’s children for extra money in the house. When it was time to go back into the workforce, I found a 7:30 am to 3 pm job. I am never away from the children afterschool. It is wonderful! Also, during the summer, I take my 3 weeks of vacation by taking every Monday and Friday off for the entire summer, thereby giving me four day weekends all during July and August. 🙂
I am one such mom doing the perpetual juggling act, trying hard to achieve the perfect balance between having a career and being there for my 1 year old son as much as I can. I value my financial independence, and I am 100% sure I cannot do the ‘stay-at-home-mom’ thing. But I’d love to be able to work from home at least a couple of days a week.
Sometimes I’m ridden with guilt, the moments when my son clings to me when I leave him in daycare are the worst. Still, I treasure those moments in the evening when he climbs onto my lap and squeezes my neck in a tight ‘huggie’. These precious moments keep me going. I love my son totally and unconditionally, but I also want to be able to provide him with the best I can afford. I know the most expensive toys in the world are no substitute for the time I can give him, still…the financial rewards of my career instil confidence in me. I admit I need my career for my own self-esteem. Yet, it liberates me of some worries in life and lets me enjoy the abundant joys of motherhood without restraint.
I have not found the perfect balance yet, if you have, help me please !
This v. much hits home and I work only part-time and most of that part-time is from the house. But…I worry about going back full-time and having these feelings. I think a little less of everything might help you get a lot more of your son – a little less cash, a little less time at work, a little less sleep…I try to work all the ‘off’ and ‘napping’ hours that I can – generating revenue when one would least expect it so that I can be around for the awake moments – or most of them. Its not perfect…but it helps.