And the answers I wish I could give them.
What’s for dinner?
What do you care? What takes me about 30 minutes to make is usually scarfed down in about seven seconds. I am surprised you can actually taste it. Oh and by the way, that green stuff is what humans call vegetables. We actually need them to survive and live healthy lives. I know, I know, the bread and cheese and meat taste better, but just drown that broccoli in butter. I am sure you can force it down.
Have you seen this video? (From across the room)
Could you narrow it down from the one billion uploaded videos that are currently on the internet? Is it the one where the guy says something to other guy and then he catches on fire in his kitchen while eating a spoonful of cinnamon? Or is the one where the dog pees on a breakdancing toddler while driving a shopping cart down a hill into a pool full of baked beans? Or is just another episode of a talking fruit that makes me want to poke my eyes out? I’m reading a book. Put your headphones on.
Did you ever have hair?
Yes. A giant brown mane cascading up up up into a giant bulbous beautiful ball of afro. It was majestic. For 25 years I had hair and I loved it as much as you currently love yours. You likely have your mother’s thick follicle lineage but check your pillow in about 10 years. Just in case.
What did you and mom do before you had kids?
We had sex. Lots of it. And your bed used to be ours.
Where is the milk?
It’s in the oven next to your common sense.
The one that’s getting to me (every friggin’ morning) is, “what’s it going to be like out?” These kids have access to tv, radio, apps, etc. They’re going to wear whatever the heck they want anyways and argue with me when I tell them to grab a jacket, so why does it matter what the weather’s going to be??!!
*facepalm*