My husband and I believe we are giving our boys an advantage in life that will help them in both their personal and professional endeavours. No, it’s not a posh, private school education or even after school tuition in seven different languages. It’s as simple as reinforcing the importance of manners.
Now, before I start to sound like one of those smug mothers who melts you into inadequacy with stories of their perfect prodigies with angelic-like attitude, I just want to make it clear that we are not talking the Brady’s here. My boys do not sit at the dinner table wearing bow ties and slicked down hair saying such things as “Mother dearest, please do pass the tomato ketchup.” They forget to ask nicely quite regularly. But I do feel that emphasis on the simple niceties of life such as please, thank you and excuse me make a world of difference, reflecting respect for others which in turn breeds receptiveness and a more positive environment in which to interact and form relationships. Something that seems so often forgotten in today’s arrogant, me-first, urban environment in which so many of us find ourselves.
And what’s the best way to teach good manners? Emulate them yourself, of course, but so much easier said than done. As I snatched my change and receipt from a grumpy parking lot attendant recently, I was reminded of this fact, when a little voice from the back seat of the car said “Mummy, you forgot to say thank you.” Be careful what you wish for! I forced a grin (more like a grimace) and politely thanked the lot attendant and reminded myself that it takes constant reinforcement to make the manners message second nature. Hopefully, this will be long before peer pressure and the dramas and angst of the teenage years take hold. Puhleeze!
This post was contributed by Kate, an urbanmoms.ca member and mother of two boys 3 and 6. If you are interested in contributing a post, please send your story to email@urbanmoms.ca.
Leanne Pepper, GM of University of Toronto Faculty Club offers ongoing “dining” lessons. TorStar Jan 2/04 had a feature article on the MBA trainees through Rotman School of Business , a more recent one appears here: http://news.utoronto.ca/bin3/021216e.asp
I have my own song I sing to my kids, including the visiting ones:
Sit straight in front of your plate
Hold your fork like a pen-cil
No elbows, please
Keep your napkin on your knees
When you’re done, say “The meal was delightful”.
I totally agree. I am a mum to three boys, 8, 7 and 2.5 and manners take a precidence in my household.
My husband, being from South Africa, has an English-school background but was also mainly raised by his grandmother and it shows. My boys must ask to be excused from the table and are now working on clearing the table as well. But please and thank you are common place now.
I am also teaching them to hold the door open for their elders (who is nearly everyone), and every once and a while they will open the door of the van for me too! They have also learned to greet adults with a hand shake and a smile.
The one thing that was common to me growing up was calling adults by their last name, where in my husbands family everyone is auntie and uncle. We have adopted the more relaxed name for close friends and use the more proper surname in more “proper” circumstances.
All of the hard work seems to have paid off for now. My boys are recognized as polite, social and handsome (which has a lot to do with manners and presence) by their teachers, parents of friends and people that they encounter as we run errands or go out together.
I see manners as tied with respect, and when another child doesn’t offer a thank you when I serve them lunch during a play date I say the same thing as I would with my own boys; “thank you!” and “you are welcome!” and then I set down the mac & cheese.