It’s the Little Things

That’s what’s important, right?  The little things in life. Calling a friend when they are having a bad day. Writing thank you notes for gifts or favours. Or at least sending a thank you e-mail or phone call. Remembering birthdays and acknowledging them. Returning phone calls. Congratulating family and friends on milestones and achievements. Helping a new mom by dropping by a meal or doing some laundry for her.  These so-called little things are what give our lives meaning. Remember the bumper sticker from the late eighties, early nineties…

                              Whoever has the most toys when he dies, wins!

Well, I’d argue that’s not the life most moms are trying to live. I’d hazard a guess that we are much more the crowd that has the following on our refrigerators.

                                 Work like you don’t need money,
                                 Love like you’ve never been hurt,
                                And dance like no one’s watching.

Or even better, and the one I have to check in with occasionally to see that I am on track,

                                    A hundred years from now
                                         It will not matter
                                    What my bank account was,
                                   The sort of house I lived in
                                   Or the kind of car I drove

                                  But the world may be different
                                       Because I was important
                                       In the life of a child

But knowing and believing that these are the important things in life, does not always translate into acting on them, and that is where I always fall short. I let the niceities slide. It’s never intentional. I don’t consciously think, I’m not going to thank her for picking up my kids. I’m not going to acknowledge my friend’s new baby. I’m not going to bring a house warming gift to a close friend’s new home. But that’s what happens.

I’m Catholic, I’m the oldest daughter, I’m a mother and a step-mother, I am already carrying around enough guilt without all the pressure I put on myself for missing these simple but important opportunities.

I’m sure Freud would have some deep psycho-analysis explanation that the reason I don’t send birthday cards and thank you notes and arrive with great hostess trinkets is because deep down I hated my parents or received a bad gift as a child and have repressed it in my subconscious.  But I have grat parents and really, I just don’t manage my time wisely.  I have the month by month birthday calendar on my wall in the kitchen, but the birthdays come and go and three months later, even a belated card seems too little, too late…although I do still send them sometimes.

I want to be the person who is good at this. Because I do think of it…I’m jsut not good at acting on it. The road that is paved to hell with good intentions has my footprints all over it. So now I’m going to say a bunch of thank you’s, and happy birthday’s and clear them from my over-cluttered mind so I can start obsessing about other little things that mean a lot.

To Jen, thank you for coming to speak to our mom’s group on Tuesday. You were great and your passion for Urbanmoms was infectious. Also, I am sorry I did not give you credit in last week’s blog for guessing correctly about my man, Jim.

To another Jen, thank you so much for setting up the talk with Trevor Cole. He was entertaining, professional, inspiring and truly fascinating. No one wanted it to end. For anyone out there who doesn’t know Trevor, he is the author of The Fearsome Particles and Norman Bray in the Performance of His Life and I highly recommend that you read them.

To Trevor, thank you so much for your graciousness in sharing your novel and its process with us. Inspite of my incorrect date, wrong directions, inability to know my right from my left and the short time you were with us, our group is still talking about how wonderful you were.

To Ange, I will try and get a meal to you before Ty is 1.

To Weeze, thank you for such a lovely chicken curry dinner and knowing exactly when I needed it.

To John, (not Mr. H.) thank you so much for all your help with my family. You have always been a very special friend to us and please don’t let my rudeness and absentmindedness make you think that we don’t appreciate all of your time and help.

To Megan, happy birthday. Let’s go out for a drink and celebrate.

To everyone else…thank you for all your help and Happy Birthday!

If any of you have anyone to thank or send good wishes to, feel free to post them here!