…Mind…
To me, it’s a real chicken-egg problem. Which one is in control? Mind or Body? Neither? Both?
For me, it alternates and feels out of my control. And actually, I’m not sure I even know which one should be in charge. See, if my mind is in control, then when I get stressed, or emotional, or down, well…then I eat to fulfill an emotional need. Therefore, MIND IN CONTROL=BAD.
But then again, there are days when I just outdo myself in the kitchen. Not to brag (much) but I am – when I put my mind to it – a darn good cook. And I love what I make, most days. So then…I cook up something totally scrumptious, and it tastes so wonderfully delicious, that my treacherous tastebuds demand more…MORE! And the body obliges. Therefore, BODY IN CONTROL=BAD.
And then there are the days when all goes well. Stress level is manageable, emotions are steady, food cooked is appetizing but one serving really feels like enough. Those days, the body and mind work together beautifully. Mind doesn’t tell body that way too much bad food will feel good. Body doesn’t tell mind it wants more, more, more! The whole comes together in a beautiful continuum. Feedback works as it’s supposed to, with body sending satiety signals to mind, and mind heeding these signals.
It’s great. I LIVE for these days.
But who wouldn’t? Still, there are so many of us out there in the world who have somehow gotten our wires crossed. We’ve managed to drive a wrench into the naturally beautiful and elegant programming Mother Nature bestowed us with. We’ve messed up the feedback systems to the point where they’re stuck – almost inextricably – on loop. Feed me. Feed me more. Feed me more NOW!
It’s sad. And it’s a killer to overcome.
I know I’ve come a long, long way towards slaying this particular personal dragon, but it’s really more like a Hydra. Each time I smite off a head – it seems like another one grows in its place. I guess I’m just somewhat lamenting the fact that it’s really hitting home for me now that this is going to be an ongoing, lifelong struggle for me. I will NEVER be able to stop thinking about how much and what I eat – unless I’m prepared to balloon back up to my previous size.
But perhaps not all is as grim as it feels today (maybe I’m PMS-ing?). Maybe this is a gift…a blessing in disguise. After all, I know I can eat well, enjoy it, and achieve and maintain a healthy weight. But I also know what the dangers of letting this discipline slip can be. Perhaps I’m truly one of the lucky ones…I have the knowledge of both sides of the weight gain/loss continuum. And if knowledge truly is a gift, well, then…
Ahh…the mind she is a ramblin’ today! Mind? Uh-oh…
But what do you think? Share your thoughts in comments. Please…tell me you love me…I need it today!
It is like the whole nature/nurture debate. Am I this way because this is the way I was made or because this is what I learned? The food thing is huge for me. I am always very conscious of eating due to boredom (which is a VERY powerful emotion) or stress or even celebration but what I can’t figure out is how to go from being conscious of it and even controlling it (sometimes) to making it GO AWAY.
I’m right there with ya, sista.