this is where i draw the line:
"Wow, I’ve never had a nanny before, I wouldn’t think of it. I love being a mother and I love working as well. If it ever came to a point where I would have to get someone else to take care of my children, because of my job I would quit. It’s one thing to have a nanny only during the hours you are working but it’s just plain out wrong to have them do things you very well could make time for, such as doing your own laundry and cleaning the bathroom that you and your family frequently use. She wasn’t a nanny, she was your maid. In my opinion people that "have" to have a main—excuse me a nanny are just lazy."
a) my nanny works from 8-5:30. that’s hardly unusual for a nanny. hate to break it you, if you think she’s working at all hours of the day and night.
b) she is on the live-in caregiver program. according to the job description, watching my children and doing housework are BOTH part of her job. they are built into her salary.
c) you are welcome to call me lazy…but, my dear, i’m anything but lazy. i have three jobs and three children. i come home from work…feed my children hang out with them, put them to bed. then i begin working on my other two jobs. if you knew me at all, you wouldn’t think i was lazy.
d) next time you decide to be obnoxious, fucking leave your name or your email address, so i don’t have to bring this to the board
e) stop judging people. it’s bad for your complexion. you can do whatever works for you, that’s fine. but please allow me to do the same. i don’t judge people who work or people who choose to stay home. i work because i need to be able to afford Jewish Day School, something that’s important to me and my family. if i didn’t work, i wouldn’t be able to do that. i also work because i enjoy it. and i’m good at what i do.
f) who takes care of your children while you work???
Are you kidding me? LOL. This was entertaining.
The world is full of weirdo’s. Don’t sweat it Ali.
This is just so unfair. All of Gwaina’s comments. As a mom whose child is in daycare I don’t agree with Gwaina AT ALL. Daycare/Nannies are very similar in the fact that your child is not with the parent all day.
I made my choice for various reasons – if I had 3 children (or even 2) I’d probably go the Nanny route. Either way – the hard part is choosing whether or not you will be with your child all day. The choice of daycare vs. nanny vs. homecare, in my opinion, is a very secondary decision (though important).
The thing with daycare is that every teacher is looking after about 4 or 5 children. That does not leave time for anything other than childcare.
If I had a nanny I would by all means expect that in the off time the laundry and some basic cleaning would be done. When I worked as a summer nanny this went without saying. I often had the kids I babysat help me in the kitchen/laundry room. To me this is no different than the way a mother does it. And, it is by no means a bad thing.
Ignore her. We’re all doing our best as mothers – no matter what the choices we make. The important thing is that you are trying to have the best care possible. And, if that means changing nannies it’s best.
(PS sorry for the long comments)
Okay, Gwaina needs to get a life. Apparently she can’t follow her own advice if she thinks that putting her kids in daycare isn’t the same as having a nanny. And good for her if she can afford to only have one job but MOST of us can’t and we don’t give a flying flip if she and her husband share chores.
Some people never cease to amaze…don’t let her get to you. We all love you!
I wasn’t going to comment, simply because I am so sick of this overused debate between moms, but the hypocrisy got me.
Ali has a nanny during the workweek, during her working hours. I’m not exactly sure how that is SO terribly different than putting your children in on-site day care. If your beef, Gwaina, is that Ali’s nanny does the children’s laundry and washes the dishes that she uses during the day, and you don’t have that, get a housekeeper once a week.
The debate over SAHM vs any form of working moms with nannies thrown into the mix is a tired, oft-repeated and overused way to get into a no-win debate and hurt feelings. Whats the point? Either agree to disagree or get the hell out of the water and shut up.
Oh, Gwaina, you are just too much entertainment for us urbanmoms to handle! Thanks for the laugh. I mean, really? Are you serious? You totally have other people looking after your children. Ali, at least, has one-on-one care! And, I used to work where Ali works, and there’s no on-site daycare there. If there were, I might still be there! (I’m very lucky not to have to work right now — it was my choice to stay home, and, if I wanted to work, nanny here I come.)
And, sure, it’s a free country. We are proponents of freedom of speech here at Urbanmoms, after all — we are a community of many different voices and choices! You should just know that with freedom of speech there’s responsibility! Words can hurt. When you speak, speak wisely and responsibly. Otherwise, you risk taking advantage of the freedom of speech by speaking hateful, hurtful words. I hope maybe you learned something from this — for that would be the best thing (other than our entertainment) that would come from this.
i’m going to comment once more and then i’m going to drop it, because, you, my dear, are not worth my time and effort.
i do get lots of comments that don’t always agree with what i say or do. and i’m okay with this. each person it entitled to his or her opinion. i take no issue with this. what i did take issue with your post is how judgy and obnoxious it was. you could have easily said, “i don’t have a nanny and i wouldn’t ever get one…so i really don’t have advice for you.”
instead, you explained why all my choices are wrong and called me lazy, which, in fact, i’m not. but you have no clue – since you don’t frequent my site.
while, yes, it is a free country and you CAN say what you want, urban moms is not an open forum for you to blast other people who make different choices than you. it’s a community.
also…you said “If it ever came to a point where I would have to get someone else to take care of my children, because of my job I would quit” doesn’t putting your child in a daycare count as doing just that? someone besides you is taking care of your child???
You are quite the delight, aren’t you Gwaina? How is the fact that Ali has someone in her home caring for her children during work hours any different than you dropping them at the on-site daycare? Not everyone has that luxury; I certainly don’t. When you have children both in school and at home, organized daycare is often not an option. When you have someone come to your home, they are only caring for your children, not a classroom full of kids, so it is not unreasonable that they would take on some household chores during the day.
You are right that you have the right to say whatever you want, but the members that do frequent this site appreciate healthy, respectful debate (check out the Baby Bratz debate in the “Over Coffee” section). Your brand of judgmental, anger-filled comment just isn’t a good fit for urbanmoms.ca.
To answer your last question. While I am working my full time job my kids are at the on-site daycare that my company has. When I am not working then my husband and I are spending with the kids. Because we are fortunate enough not to have to work more than one job we take turns with the housekeeping. For us, it’s not necessary to have someone else assist us with raising our children outside of working hours.
The only reason why I was anonymous was because I don’t frequent this site enough to leave my name. And just to inform you, you know in case you didn’t know. It’s a free country and I can say what I darn well please. If you didn’t like the post you could have easily ignored it. Oh and for your “friends” who like to call me names, now sweetheart that’s not a good complexion on you. Be a grown-up about your business. I’m not a wuss as you put it. But as they say opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
Oh, and, by the way, EVERY nanny I know is responsible for laundry and housework. Every single one of them. Otherwise, when would a working mother have ANY time for her kids?
Oh no…. Ali, please don’t let this bother you one bit. Knowing you, you can take it. But, it’s hard for us bloggers to get comments like this. We spill our guts to you not to make ourselves vulnerable but to connect and help and entertain and inform. No matter what, a “troll” (or anonymous nasty comment, as we bloggers call it) is always upsetting. Not because what they say hits us where (they know) it hurts, but because we don’t want to thinks we’re writing for people like this or for ignorant reactions like this. That’s my take, anyway. Ali, this troll OBVIOUSLY doesn’t know you and OBVIOUSLY doesn’t understand that there are lots of ways to mother — all of which are equally loving. What else is there to say but: this is rude, this is sad, you are undeserving of this, it’s sad to think there are people out there that judge so harshly and “old-fashiony” like this. Needless to say, you are a FABULOUS mother and person and woman. You inspire us all — probably even anonymous at some level. LOVE YA!
Oh Ali, so sad that someone would say things just to hurt you and then not have the courage to leave their real name! Also, a shame that he/she didn’t actually offer some help to the actual question you were asking. Hmm…he/she is probably jealous as hell .. oh well, to each his/her own I guess….
From all you’ve written over the past year that I’ve been following your site, you are definately anything BUT lazy. You are such an awesome mom, and you can tell by the look on all your babies faces how much they love you. Anyone with a child whether you work or not knows that it’s pretty hard to be lazy, and you have 3 little pumpkins. I think also that a nanny that is watching one baby during the day – while the older kids are in school, can definately find time to pop a load of laundry in and wipe a sink while the baby naps. Heck, I was home on maternity leave with my son for a year, and I sure as heck didn’t eat bonbons all day .. it is work, and SHE IS PAID FOR IT…hello!!
Anyway, I am really sorry that the internet always come to this, there is always some goon out there isn’t there!! hang in there ..
I think the only way to have 3 children and be yourself also is with a nanny. I have 2 boys and whenever people ask me if I’ll “go for th girl” I respond with, “not until I hire a nanny”. Why wouldn’t anyone, if they could afford it, have someone help them with housework?! The time is takes me to clean my house could be spent playing with my boys. One of the reasons I love Urban Moms is that everything I have read so far I can relate to. Other sites and magazines are often self righteous opinions with no sense of humour. This mom, is obviously no Urban Mom, I’m surprised she even reads your blogs. She belongs in 1950!
What is amazing about the internet is that people will say things they would NEVER say in person.
The value of the urbanmoms.ca community and the commitment we make to each other is to respect and support one another even if we don’t always agree.
Come on, anonymous, as if it is not hard enough being a mom today but to have to deal with being judged by another mom hiding behind the anonymity of the internet is just plain mean. Why?? Why would you do it? Why would you intentionally hurt someone?
We are all different and we certainly won’t agree on everything but it is obvious that the members of this community, Ali being an important one, care about motherhood and womanhood and are putting themselves out there to add value and find connection with other mothers.
This community is about compassion and connection and acceptance. Anonymously bashing someone, being self-righteous and judgemental is not only cowardly but sad. Open up your heart and mind, anonymous…you will give yourself a great gift.
i think it’s really unfair for this person, anonymous, to judge anyone on their parenting, housekeeping abilities – on anything for that matter. Everyone has their own situations, their own needs – which necessitate unique circumstances. I have had a nanny when i’m working full time and then part-time when I’ve been at home with a newborn. I’ve stopped explaing “why” to anyone b/c frankly, it’s none of their darn business. what matters to me, and obviously to ali too, is doing the best for her family, and if a nanny helps me do that then that’s all that is important.
You know what bothers me most about you, Ali? The way you beat around the bush and never say what you’re really thinking. 😉
Take a little James Joyce (or, possibly from your perspective, U2), “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.”
And remember, for every anonymous wuss like this, there are at least a hundred (probably more) of us who don’t think that way.