Boundary testing. Totally knew it was going to happen- totally wasn’t prepared for how early it has come. The Boy is doing something completely normal and I have no idea how to deal with it.
Here’s the thing- I’m in the business of working with much older kids. Ones that, while still enjoying boundary testing, listen and obey for the most part. But, while The Boy has the listening thing down, he’s not so hot at the obeying. In fact, he prefers to do the opposite of whatever it is that we say.
Example:
Me: “Don’t throw your sippy cup.”
The Boy: “dada” (throws his cup).
Me: (picking up the cup) “Do not throw your sippy cup. No. That is not ok.”
The Boy: “bububububub” (throws his cup much harder while looking me straight in the eye).
Me: “NO.”
The Boy: throws it again, staring straight in my eyes, and smirking.
This is my dilema- HOW DO YOU DISCIPLINE A ONE YEAR OLD?
I have so many “Supernanny” episodes swirling through my mind- time out, take it away after two tries, sit down and explain, yell (ok, that’s my thought, not Supernanny’s).
He knows what he’s not supposed to be doing. He knows what “No” means. He understands exactly what I’m saying and then looks me in the eye and does the exact opposite. Normal, I know, but how would you moms out there deal with it- especially at this age where he comprehends but doesn’t really speak back.
I love it! Makes me feel normal. Some days I look at Bunny, flawed, and think, “Seriously, chick, you’re trying to reason with a two year old!” followed by, “there HAS to be a way!!!”
Thanks for a great read every morning.
JENN
I think that the way we all deal with boundary testing is different. I don’t that one way is better than the other. I think that each parent needs to find what works for them.
The most important thing that needs to be maintained in my opinion is…consistency. Kids need to have the expectations presented to them consistently. If you decide to make your strategy taking the cup away…you have to do it EVERY single time. Because those little buggers are smart! lol As they grow up they call you out on inconsistencies..mine do the second I slip!!
My babies are now 7 and 5 but I still remember those days well. How frustrating it can feel some times. I always reminded myself that the foundation I lay now will stay with them forever. Boundaries are easier to set at 4 when they have been imprinted at 2!
Good luck!! 🙂
Ahhh yes. I absolutely love the look on his face in that picture. This comments section is a fabulous resource. We often take items away these days..or privileges such as going outside or going to the park or going home if he continues with the undesirable behavior. Most times it works, sometimes it doesn’t. At 2 years old, B is old enough to do a 2 minute time out which is nearly always effective. The main thing is just to be firm with whatever actions you take. Like Sara said, if you threaten to leave and the behavior continues, make sure you actually leave. Otherwise it lets them know they can push that boundary and get away with it.
Hey Sarah…oh yes – so normal.
I did, and still do, the takeaway quickly and give back and try again.
i.e. tell him not to throw it and give it back. If he does it again, take it away for a minute or two and then give it back and try again…and so on. Not sure why but it works for us. Also, if I’m out at the park or a coffee shop, I use the ‘one more time and we’re going home’ and it more than often works – if it doesn’t I follow through and off we go – feels like I’m punishing myself too but I know it works.
Hang in there!
I remember that stage, it’s totally normal behaviour. I think everyone must have the toddler photo of the bowl of spaghetti on the head. Throwing the sippy cup does become a game, it’s fun to watch dad and mom pick it up over and over.
I agree with Christine and Sarah. Try to minimize the no, save it for big (dangerous) things. I read somewhere that a toddler hears no over 200 times a day, imagine that! I also agree with using logical consequences like taking the sippy cup away. If it’s food, you feed them instead, if he spits it out, supper’s over for now. Put a plastic mat under his highchair to keep the cleaning up quick.
I remember how frustrating this stage could get but remember he’s not doing it to drive you crazy, it’s a normal part of development. Some books I really like are “Kids are Worth It” by Barbara Coloroso and “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn.
Good Luck.
nothing wrong with the word no..in fact the earlier kids know that somethings are off limits, no works the best…kids are smart. Adults just have more experiences so we trump them-even when we are wrong. Some things are worth fighting over, others aren’t. As long as at the end of the day-the kid knows that mom loves them and needs to be obeyed because of that love and mom does want what is best. In Ron Morrish’s words, avoid making the incidences growing into an event, is our job.
I love that photo… so cute. Great post and thanks for the love on my post. Hey I have a bunch of events in the works…. join the
http://www.meetup.com/Toronto-Mom-Entrepreneurs-Network/
and let’s hook up again soon. If you need a place to crash my doors always open (as the events are west end most part but some central ones are in the works too!).
i agree with christine and sarah somewhat….i’m firm with the boundaries and don’t waver. it would be gone before it’s a game. but, to me, “no” is an answer as well but i do try to say (for example) the sippy cup is for drinking but “no” is also in the vocabulary.
it’s hard but it will work. i felt like a bit of an old school marm but it really worked.
we’re definitely at that stage. slap on the hand is what we do. it works well with ‘don’t touch’ but with food throwing, its tougher. guess he gauges the consequence with how much fun it would be to throw something.
I also make the kiddo pick up something if he throws it.
what I’m learning is words are useless. It always has to be followed up with action.
I agree with Sarah, the commenter above me.
Removing “no” from your vocabulary can make a big difference. Takes away some of the confrontational aspect of discipline.
Also – I am pretty firm and after the second toss – the sippy would be gone.
Now my daughter is 3 and I can do the 3,2,1 countdown and she does what she needs to do – or not do – before I get to 1 (usually before 2) because she knows that I will follow through with any consequence I tell her is coming.
And that comes with consistency – always following through and make consequences rational and relating to the issue – ie: take the sippy cup away, as opposed to threatening to take away a favourite toy or not read bedtime stories…
Does that make sense?
(I feel like I garbled my words in that…)
Oh, Q did that early. What I find helpful is to tell him what to do instead of what not to do. So, something like: “hold onto your cup” “drink your milk” “leave your cup on the tray” He more often does what I asked him to do than what I asked him not to do.
Timeouts didn’t work for him at that age (still don’t, really). We take away anything he throws for a bit – a few minutes or longer, depending what it is.