I’m learning that The Boy is not all mine. Oh, I wish he was, but in 5 weeks I will be returning to work full-time and he will have to learn to get used to something new- new routines, new ways of eating/sleeping/playing etc…
In order to prepare him for this change from “mommy, 24/7” to “mommy, an hour in the morning and three hours at night and ALL weekend long (thank God!)”, I am trying to leave him for a few hours a week with various people. My thinking? I don’t want it to be a huge shock to his system when mommy has to leave him Monday to Friday for work. I want him to be used to being cared for by others and know that mommy isn’t gone forever. Last Friday was one of my first big efforts- leaving The Boy with my mother-in-law while I went to an awesome event put on by Leigh at Mom Inc.
I was panicked. What if he cried the whole time? What if he missed me so much that he just couldn’t go to sleep until I got home? What if he wouldn’t eat for her or drink his bottle or take a bath? What if he decided to figure out how to climb out of the crib, open the door, and walk down the stairs (ok, now I was just being irrational..he’s only 10 months old.). And while I had a great night talking to real grownups about real grownup things, The Boy was constantly on my mind.
I rushed home at about 9pm, expecting to see him still awake, standing at the front door, waiting for his beloved mother. But he wasn’t. Nope, he was asleep- in fact he had been perfect the entire time I was gone. He had eaten a huge dinner, had a splash-filled bath time, listened intently to a few bedtime stories, had his bottle and gone to sleep. No cries. No “I MISS MY MOMMY” wails. No desperate searching for the woman who gave birth to him and has the stretch marks to prove it.
What has this taught me? Well, I guess it’s time for me to allow other people the joy of hanging out with the coolest 10 month old around. Don’t get me wrong, I plan to be his number one girl for years to come, but I’m starting to see the wisdom in the whole “It Takes A Village” idea. He probably enjoys the chance to hang out with other people who love him. And I did enjoy the chance to squeeze into a pair of Spanx and pre-pregnancy pants (have to keep working out!) and chat with some wonderful new friends. But, I really learned that, while a break is good for me and for The Boy, there was nothing more wonderful then being woken up by him at 6am Saturday morning and getting a big hug and kiss. I was glad I was still his number one girl- at least for now!
I think one of the hardest things I had to learn is that other people can love and look after my children too. It gets a little easier each time, but I found I had to rediscover who I was – without kids attached. It took time, but it comes to you quickly. You can feel yourself changing hats – from mommy to professional or vice versa.
Others can care for you kids, they’ll just care for them differently than you do. It’s not “wrong” just different.
I would kill to be in pre-preggie clothes. Spanx and all. 🙂
Hey Sarah! It was so great to meet you in person on Friday and you SO did not look worried – you looked FAB! Because of my situation of single motherhood, I’m huge on the ‘it takes a village’ and I’ve been leaving my boy with various, random people for hours and overnights since he was about 8 weeks old. It’s made him a superstar at daycare and a confident, fun, outgoing dude. It’s also kept his mother sane. Share him around!! You’ll both benefit so much from it. And good luck going back to work – I’ve found it a great balance, hope you do too! Looking forward to seeing you again!
P.s. I love that we both call our kid ‘The Boy’…
Jacki- Was great to meet you too- next time we’ll chat more!
Shawn- re:”Absence makes the heart grow fonder”- husband says that maybe The Boy will decide to finally say “mama” once I go back to work. That’s something to look forward to I guess?
My little girl is asleep when I leave in the morning, and it is all I can do to not leave work at 2pm to come home to see her. But now, when I get home, she literally runs into my arms for a hug and kiss and drags me to play whatever she is playing at the time. Then she speaks inteligible gibberish for 2 hours before she falls asleep, and I like to think she is telling me how much she missed me all day, but that she learned a lot and had a great time with her grandma. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
You’ve obviously raised a confident boy 🙂
Good luck going back to work. I’ve done it twice. It’s hard. Nice to meet you Friday night. We didn’t get to a chance to reallly talk. Maybe next time.