I was the BEST MOTHER EVER! I knew everything there was to know about raising a child- and, seriously, how hard could it be? I am a trained teacher. If I could handle thirty Grade 5 children, then how difficult could one tiny baby be? I was pretty sure that the secret-society of motherhood included watching the Soaps, making treats for your kids, watching Ellen, preparing supper, maybe cleaning if Oprah was a repeat, etc, etc…
In fact, when I was in grade 7 I was required to write an essay on my family and what they liked to do. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. I clearly remember writing: “My mother stays at home all day and watches soap operas”. Oh yes I did.
And I judged all you moms out there. I sighed when your babies cried, rolled my eyes when your toddler screamed, whispered to my husband, “Why can’t people just control their kids?”. Because it wasn’t going to be me with that crying, screaming kid.
Then, I had the boy. I took him, with my friend and her adorable baby, to Ikea when he was 3 months old. He was good until about half-way through our Swedish meatballs- then he lost it! He was screaming and crying so loudly and I didn’t know why. He wouldn’t eat, he wasn’t consoled by being picked up. He was just so mad. I remember RUNNING through the store, red and sweaty from the stress, trying to get him to one of the two feeding rooms just to be away from the burning stares of the other judgers out there. The people that were just like me- wondering why I couldn’t keep my baby quiet. I was so embarrased- and humbled. Because nothing about motherhood was like I thought it would be and how I was getting mine now for being so judgemental of other mothers. Karma!
I found a list the other day when I was cleaning (nope, Oprah wasn’t a repeat!). I had made it while I was pregnant- it contained all the amazing things I was going to do as a mother. Let me share some highlights:
- maintain a strict cleaning schedule
- eat only homemade, organic food
- never allow my child to look at TV or computer screen
- maintain quiet, calm atmosphere in house at all times
- NEVER ARGUE IN FRONT OF BABY
- create a napping and sleeping schedule by 3 months
The entire list makes me laugh, but these are some of my favourites. Too bad life doesn’t being a mom doesn’t work that way, huh?
There is nothing worse in the entire world than a public tantrum, be it an overstimulated newborn or a rotten three year-old. Keep your goals handy, though, speaking from experience you will feel a little less like you are drowning on a daily basis at some point and you will be able to work on them. You just have to be kind to yourself and I promise that day will come!
Honestly, that moment in Ikea will stick in my head forever! Now, whenever I see a mom with a crying baby, I want to go and hug her, not click my tongue and shake my head!
lol… oh man.. IKEA. yeah, I’d say you ran. I was like, “where did she go? do I keep shopping? will she come back?” Ahhh… see, now we can look back at it and laugh. Hindsight is awesome in motherhood.
Judge not lest ye be judged. 🙂 I’ve been there, done that. You are doing a great job Sarah.
Great post, Sarah. I wish I could say it gets better, but I remember my husband and I shaking our head as his sister and her husband ran around to my nieces’ dance classes, birthday parties, playdates and we stared contentedly at our infant who “would not be overprogrammed. His activities will never take over our lives.” HA! Now I spend all my free time driving to hockey games, football tournaments, birthday parties and playdates. My own life?? Backseat to my kids for the most part.
All I can say is that it seems to be part of the circle of life. I overhear my own sister and her husband swearing that things will never be like that for them! HA! We’ll see in a few years.
Oh man, Sarah. This is SO true! I remember after spending the weekend with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and their then little boy my husband and I would get in the car and the first words out of our mouths were, “when we have kids we will never…” Ugh. I cringe thinking about it now!
Awesome post!