I keep thinking I should keep a log of silly, stupid, sweet but bewidering comments that have been said to me regarding Roman.
When you are an adoptive parent you are required to go to adoption school as part of the process. In class, the knowledable instructor warns you to expect some odd comments and questions from family and friends regarding your pathway to parenthood. Some will be innocent and well intented such as the popular “He/she looks just like you, they almost could be yours” or “You’d never know, he/se looks like they could be yours” or something similar.
For some reason people most often comment on the appearance of the child in comparison to the parent’s appearance. It is an interesting phenomenom that I don’t think is limited to adoptive parents. I’ve done a little survey of my family and friends with their biological children and they say that it’s a universal thing. People want to match the baby to the parent. Even if the baby in no way resembles the parent, people will coo at the baby and find some resembelance even if it’s obscure. “Look at that toe, it looks just like Mama’s”
How would this work if the child is no way resembled the parent? What about trans-racial couples as well as adoptive parents? Why the urge to match the child’s appreance to Mom and Dad?
Let me share a story with you.
I walked into a grocery store with my main squeeze Roman and the lady behind the counter said to me. “He’s gorgeous, your husband must be so handsome”
I decided to play so I responded with “Oh, he is beautiful isn’t he but I’m not married”
pause while she takes this in
Undaunted she says “Oh well then his father must be a looker”
I respond “I’m sure he is” and continued on with my shopping.
I know, once Roman understands more of what Mama is saying that I will need to be more careful with my reponses but I just felt like leaving her with something to ponder.
So Mama’s have you experienced this need to match? Why do you think we do this and is it a problem or just part of the human experience?