Interesting fact: I was almost more nervous to tell you that I have a nanny than to tell you I had an affair.
It seems ridiculous, I know. But, I feel like when I tell you that I have help at home there’s this stigma that comes with it, and then all of a sudden, you guys have this perception of me. And it’s not the poor little rich girl perception I want you to have of me. I really want you to see who I am, and who I was before I got married, and who I wanted to be, and who I became once I got married.
Because all of that changed. With the exception of the fifteen minutes I wanted to be a librarian and a fireman, the only thing I ever wanted to be as a kid was a high school teacher. And probably up until we got engaged…and even a little bit after…that was the plan. Education. But Lyla the would-be teacher got caught up in Lyla the engaged university almost-graduate. Wedding plans happened, and then the wedding happened. And then I was a wife. All of a sudden I was a wife who worked and coupon-clipped and lived in a 500 square-foot apartment and helped put her husband through business school. We wanted to do it on our own, and this seemed like the most logical choice. I’d work; Joel would go to school and get his MBA. I was okay with putting my dreams on the back burner. I was in love, after all. I chose this life, I signed up for it, I wanted it.
I often wonder what my life might have been like if I had gone to grad school. If we had waited a little longer for everything…to get married, to start a family.
I guess you just don’t think when you are in love. Your brain can only focus on one thing…and that’s the love you feel. You want to be happy, as a couple. You don’t ever stop and say…Is this the best thing for us in long run? I mean, really, who does that? And, at the time, it was the right decision. And I certainly don’t look back on the early days and blame Joel for it. Not for one single second, actually. If anything, it was my decision to get married quickly. He suggested that we wait a bit, but I didn’t want to wait at all. I was way too excited. I was caught up in this whirlwind of this little life I envisioned for us.
I just figured that there was always time to go back to school later.