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My husband and I recently celebrated 14 years of marriage. We’re perfectly complimentary – I’m an extrovert, he’s an introvert. When I get amped about an idea, he helps me make the tactical plans, and when he’s reticent to participate in something, I’ll nudge him along and help smooth his way socially. We both hold full time jobs and volunteer in our community. And yes, I’m a mom.

How it All Started

My husband and I were teens when we met, and inexperienced ones at that. We waited until we were sure of each other before having sex – the first time for both of us. We drove our parents crazy with the amount of time we wanted to spend together or on the phone. Throughout the teen years we did fight, and on more than one occasion I broke it off – usually just for a day or two. Looking back at those rough patches, it was clearly a communication issue, which I’ll talk more about in a future blog post. At the time, we didn’t know each other as well as we do now, and wouldn’t always give each other the benefit of the doubt. Small slights seemed enormous to our hormonal teen minds.

One thing that didn’t change – our passion. I had a high sex drive, though it didn’t quite match his 18-year-old male sex drive. We had fun exploring sex together, I was always interested in learning more, trying more, experimenting together. Sex would be raunchy one night, sweet and gentle one night, and hilarious and awkward the next. We had fun with it.

As we settled into our relationship, I became very comfortable with my sexuality. I didn’t have to play games with him. One night, I admitted that I found women attractive, and would be interested in going to a strip club sometime, to see how I felt. My husband was pretty stunned at the time. I hadn’t hinted at anything like that; really, I hadn’t admitted it myself before then. I was in university then, and meeting so many different types of people and becoming more familiar all the different forms of sexuality. There were no gay kids in my high school, but in university, there were many openly gay or bisexual students. I became friends with many of them through various organizations, and my eyes were really opened to the various forms of sexual expression. And, unfortunately, the prejudices that exist even within the gay community. Then, and now, bisexuals are often derided for their orientation. Gay individuals who hate being told it’s a choice to be gay would openly mock bisexuals for not being gay or straight enough, as if we could choose. I saw we – I mean me. I’m bi.

We went to a strip club. I was turned on. We started talking about my interest in exploring things, and the “what ifs.” Our talking during sex turned to my fantasies about other women frequently. My husband gave me the blanket go ahead to be with a woman if I ever had a chance – the “hall pass.”

And then, at a house party when I was 23, I ended up chatting with a friend of a friend in a bedroom, and we started kissing. Kissing turned into groping. Before I knew it, we were both naked. It was incredible and amazing and fun, and when it was over I couldn’t get out of there fast enough to go share with my husband what had happened. More talking ensued, and we agreed that if we ever had the chance to have a threesome, we’d pursue it. I was worried about the jealousy issue – could I really watch my husband have sex with another woman? But I knew the sex I had just had with another person could in no way replace the connection I had with my husband.

Eventually, we worked up the courage to go to a swingers club. We didn’t meet any couples we clicked with that night. But we began attending club events every few months, and eventually we did find a few couples we hit it off with, and would meet up with occassionally.

And that’s how it started.

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