I read an article a while back about a study that was done asking parents that became parents through adoption about their belief in destiny. Basically what was found is that a high proportion of this group believed that destiny had played a hand in their path to their children.
Many sited many a series of coincidences and allignments of events that seemed to defy logic. As an adoptive Mom I can certainly attest to this through my experiences on my journey to Roman. Many times throughout the process I felt “guided” and “in the flow” on a path that while logically seemed totally bizarre and random, at my core felt right in a way that’s difficult to describe. That doesn’t mean it was easy in any sense, at times it was a very frustrating and emotionally taxing experience. Many doors slammed shut in my face but at the end, in hindsight all that door slamming made sense because it unlocked new doors and a few windows that I would not have had access to otherwise and would not have led to my son.
So whether it’s how I choose to see the events or the magic of them, I am a believer. The reason I bring this up now is that this magic revealed itself again to me recently in the experience of a fellow adoptive mama. Here’s the story…
J. and I were registered with the same adoption agency when I was in process for adoption from Kazakhastan. She (and her hubby) had adopted their son about 4 years ago from Kazakhastan and were in the process of a second adoption. I contacted her to talk about her experiences and help prepare for the journey. When that door slammed shut and Kazakhastan closed to International Adoption we were both in process and talked about what we would do now that the country we chose was no longer an option. J. decided to stick with the agency and move their file to the Ukraine. I was not eligible for the Ukraine program because I am single and after doing some research decided to make the tough call the leave the agency, and loose a large chunk of my fees to pursue Russia with another agency.
About seven months later I had received the referral for Roman and I was off to Russia for my fairly tale ending. The process was as good as it gets and my dreams of motherhood came true when the judge said yes and I came home with my son just over a year ago.
For J and her husband their journey was about as bad as it gets. They received a referral for a little boy in the Ukraine and though they had to travel “blind” (Adoption lingo for when you do not receive any biographical or medical information about the proposed child before travelling to meet them) They decided to take the leap of faith, trust the agency and take their family to the Ukraine to meet the child. It did not go well. The whole experience was a nightmare and I won’t go into all the details but they were unable to move forward and came home with broken hearts and back to square one.
I received a call from J. a few months ago asking about my experience in Russia and with my agency. They somehow found the courage to start again and were ready to move forward. After we chatted, they registered with the agency and started the paperwork for Russia. The agency works in eight regions of Russia and the Director decides which region is the best match for you so you have no say in where in the vast country you will be sent.
Flash forward to this weekend and I get an email from a very happy J. who just received the news that their file had been moved and they just recieved a referral for a little boy from the same city that Roman is from… Volgograd!
They will be travelling in two weeks to the same place that I was just a little over a year ago. I am able to tell her all about the city, the hotel, the in country team, the restaurants, the transit, the court, the medicals, the places to buy souveniers and most importantly assure her that I can say from personal experience they will be ok there. I will send with her an album of photos that can be taken to Roman’s baby home so the care givers can see how Roman is thriving and how my son lights up our world.
It fills me with such awe that our stories are coming together in this way. That two people who met through cyberspace and had nothing other then a closed door in common would have stayed in touch years later. That I get to pay it forward and hold the door for her in the hopes that for them at the end of this hallway is their dream come true.
I am humbled, I am honoured, I feel so blessed and I for one, believe in Destiny.