7 08/13/2012 relationships Separation & Divorce

Things NEVER To Say to a Single Woman

I called off my engagement almost eleven years ago.  It was pretty much mid-August when I realized that under no circumstances could I spend my life with my ex.  It took me the next few weeks to get up the guts to actually call it all off.  It took me twelve hours of crying to never shed another tear and about five minutes to know that I made the best decision of my life.

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I never thought that 11 years later I’d still be single.  Never dreamed that I end up having to go parenthood alone right from the start.  While I’ve been single for all these years…I’ve still had more than my share of drama, fun, short lived adventures and complicated missteps.  (this ecard sums it up PERFECTLY!)
I don’t love being single.  I do love being independent.  I watched this wedding show on Friday and the girl said she couldn’t pick out her dress without her fiancee because ‘she can’t make a decision without him.’  You could see her mother physically wince.  I did.
So what I’m saying is I see the plus and minuses of being single all these years.  But every now and then, I get really sad about it.  I wonder what the eff is wrong with me and why no one wants me.  I get afraid that I’ll be alone forever…. your crazy aunt, stinking of scotch and smokes and rug hooking scenic views while listening to Fifty Shades of Grey on audio book.  AHAHHA.
Lately, I’ve been in one of these funks.  I’ll admit it. I was at a friend’s cottage and his mom, who is a widower, said ‘you just want someone to have dinner with, to see a show with, just company.’  And there it was.  Whether you’re 70 or 43…you just want some company.
I was bemoaning this with my good friend on Saturday and filling her in on my latest ridiculousness and she said ‘it’ll happen Sara’.  And I screamed at her (sorry Sherry!!!).  I said ‘okay – you didn’t honestly just say this to me right???’
You see, as a single woman, there are a few things that are friends and loved ones say to us, ALL with great intentions but ALL that make us want to pull each and every hair out of heads and then out of yours for saying it.  So in no particular order…here they are.  Next time you’re out with your terminally single friends, stay clear of these statements and you’re guaranteed to continue to get the stories of their escapades.
1. You just haven’t met the right guy yet.  - Thanks Kreskin.  I realize that OR I wouldn’t be single right??
2. You should meet my friend/neighbour/co-worker Sam.  He’s single too. - Love the intention here BUT just because we’re both single doesn’t make a match.  I’m ALL for getting set up and I realize you just want me to be happy, but can you think if we actually have anything in common???
3. Don’t look for it and it will just happen. - PLEASE.  What does that even mean? If looking for it means considering who I might meet at certain functions then okay I’m guilty – but is that really so bad?  Past a certain age, you sort of need to search it out a bit or you’ll be hanging with your friends and their husbands forever.
4. It’ll happen. - Okay it’s a lovely sentiment and only meant in the best way…but really, how do you know?  And it just sounds…I don’t know…after 11 years, it’ll happen just has an empty ring to it.
So these are the phrases I suggest avoiding.  Did I miss any?  Also, if you’re guilty of saying one or all of these, please know that we know it’s only because you love us.  But…love can hurt when it means one of us is banging our heads against the wall saying ‘I’m a loser’ over and over again.
Class dismissed.
  • romansmom

    Well you are in good company Buddy.
    I am friends with a whole bunch of sassy single women, including you, and when I feel like a loser for not finding Mr. Right I look at you all and think “damn, if these aw
    esome ladies are single then count me in. I may question myself but am inspired by the strong, awesome, single women and mama’s that let me tag along on awesome adventures.

  • Debbie Petch

    Way to go Sara! I just turned 50 and I have never married. I have watched all my friends and family members divorcing and/or are miserable. I don’t have to think about anyone but myself and my 2 cats. I have traveled all around the world. I have time to go to school and get 2 degrees. I do not have the time or inclination to cook or clean up after a man. I am free!

  • Nancy

    Fairly complete list, s!
    I have an almost physical inability to even entertain possibility of less than
    for me
    for you
    for anyone I think is wonderful
    so I don’t listen to a thing people say.
    I just keep believing in everything beautiful and good.
    I know. I am a freak.
    xxxx

  • Anonymous

    Yes you Missed, when the kids grow up you will find a good man to take care of you!
    Perhaps but what are you saying about my wonderful Chikdren?

  • Sara

    Oh you should duck…..I”m adding those two on to my list………:)
    x

  • Christine

    (I wrote the word “ducking” under my offending phrase and it didn’t show up!)

  • Christine

    Um. I don’t know what to say now.
    Oh. I know…
    Good things come to those who wait. Any guy would be so lucky to have you!
    I really don’t know what to say (other than all the things you mentioned – which I never will)
    I do think you’re a catch and I’m glad that you’re my friend.
    That is all :-)

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