6 05/22/2012 parenting

Victoria day learning

Soccer eats up a lot of our time in the spring, eating up four days a week and preventing weekend runs to the cottage. But I don’t mind. Sure sitting on a dock drinking beer and watching the kids freeze in the spring water is appealing, but the fact is, the black flies are out and lake play is limited because of the temperature.  

So with a weekend as spectacular (wasn’t it just awesome?) as the one we just experienced and with the recent purchase of an outdoor living room, spending a sun soaked weekend preparing meals and sipping wine with neighbours and friends, scooting off to the soccer games to get a piece of exercise, bike rides to get slushes and cat naps on the new furniture was a pretty sweet way to spend a weekend.
Sidenote:  Went to visit an old friend in the hospital and for about 20 minutes we chatted about and shared pictures of our new outdoor furniture. Mine is Umbra, his is from the Martha Stewart Collection.  This is what my life has become. Oh, and I got a Manzillian a couple of weeks ago. I need a boys weekend.  
On the parenting tip, Steph and I decided to make a strategic shift in how we deal with Hudson and his scholastic responsibilities. We decided we were taking the brunt of the anxiety about his homework and projects, constantly harping at him to allow some time for completion.  He, of course was ignoring it and then panicking when time ran out or it became too late (and he became too tired) to complete anything, or at least do it with a sense of care and pride.  
So now we say nothing. We need it to come from him. We need him to feel the consequences of his actions and deal with his teacher when things are not done or not done right. We know he is going to pass grade four and we don’t really care about grades at this point. We just want to take the constant bickering and the adversarial relationship that is building because of the pressure we are taking on because of grade four homework!  
Will it work?  Well so far, it’s been very difficult to not remind him. Time ticks and clicks and he jumps up and down on the trampoline, smile plastered on his goofy face, while Steph and I go nutso not saying anything.  It’s still new and we shall see if he shows any personal improvement in how he manages his own time. 
I love these boys so much.  I just want to do right by them.  
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  • Patricia

    It’s a hard thing to not harp on your kids for doing homework, but let me say that my mom ignored the fact that we never brought homework home to get done and only 3 of nine finished high school ! My two boys were told from day one that they bring homework home they sit at the diningroom table and get it done before any hockey games soccer or any other activity including tv. They learned fast we meant business, they came home from school immediately did their school work and then about their evenings. Did they like it? Of course not but they did it because that was their job, that and keeping their rooms tidy. You have to set the precident and refuse to budge, no fighting that’s just how it is. Those boys will not suffer because today, schools do not hold them back including highschool, that’s not a teachers job. Trust me on this I didn’t do the work and I got so far behind that I couldn’t catch up and ditched school at 16, his boys won’t thank him. Make them do their jobs and in their adults yrs they will say thank you. I had a sitch with my youngest son in grade ten he failed 3 subjects, no excuse for it, he thought he was going to summer school and after being told a million times that we weren’t paying for s.s. I told his guidence councillor I wanted him to repeat grade 10, and they fought me but I was adamant, he did marvelous work that yr and also at the end of the school yr the councillor called and told me that was the best thing ever, he grew up and did great, after that I never had to remind him to do homework finish assignments nor was there another argument!

  • heidi

    Well written…..we have an almost 4 year old and I know her temprament will fall this way. She has already shown her frusteration and slam things down when things don’t go her way or she wants us to do it for her. She is very sensitive and her feelings tend to get hurt pretty quick. I recently sat in a parking lot (she wanted to go to the pet store)….I put her runners on once but she kept taking them off…I refused to put them back on and told her she had to do it herself or we go home…we sat there for 15 min. with her screaming sister (19 months) who wanted to get out of her car seat. I know we are in for it when she starts school…and that is just JK…LOL

  • kim

    I sooooooooooo understand this. Homework was “wanna pull my hair out” HELL for us with an anxious child. Yes sink or swim time does come and it’s painful all around. Hang tight you are doing great!!!!
    Our daughter would get so frustrated and want us to just give her the answer. Which we refused to do. I learned after many yelling matches and her counsellors advice to walk away. I am here if you need my help but you need to ask. Yelling and throwing pencils and slaming books will not get you the results you need. It’s a work in process. There will be some wins and some set backs. You are teaching him life skills that are EXTREMELY important and he will get them. :)

  • Jen

    It IS hard! I have one hormonal boy in grade 7 and he forgets EVERYTHING. I have been helping him with last minute, forgotten homework and running his lunch/bathing suit/homework to school at least once a week for the past few months. I am going to take a page out of your parenting book and say “Enough!” It is time for him to suffer the consequences or else, I fear, it will never change.
    Thanks!

  • Aileen

    I feel your pain. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly chewed through my tongue *not* saying something about homework. I think trying to keep it in perspective helps. It’s only grade 4 after all. It’s not like they’re competing to get into Harvard Law school at this point in their academic careers.
    Also,that sounded like a perfect long weekend. Ahhh…

  • Tracey

    It’s a hard line… I know. Le sigh.

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