Monday morning 6:30 am. He wakes up as he does everyday full of random stats about animals.
Mommy. Did you know the most dangerous animal is the elephant? bumble bee? great white shark? Really Will? Amazing!!
Mommy. Did you know woolly mammoths used to live where it’s cold but now they are asinct? (aka extinct?). No way? Are you sure?? So cool Will!
Mommy. Who is my daddy? Crickets. Silence. Ummmm.
I’ve been thinking about this question and the answer for about five years now. Ever since I sat in a doctors office and said, ‘I want to have a baby.’ Ever since I sat with a psychologist accessing if I was ready for this choice parenthood thing. Ever since I found out I was having a boy and worrying if I’d be enough for him. Ever since I held him in my arms the first time and thought ‘this is it dude, you and me, here we go.’ Ever since … well you get the idea. I have thought about this a ton.
And I thought I’d have a few more years to come up with just the right thing to explain to Will that some random guy probably needed some money and decided to donate his sperm to let people like me buy it and make a baby. How I read countless profiles and thought how amazing this one particular one sounded. How I should have listened to my gut all along and picked him right away because I just knew he was the one. How after Will was born, I listened to an audio interview of his father and he made me laugh with every one of his answers and that I knew I’d made the perfect choice. How when he’s eighteen, if he wants to, he can meet this guy, his father. How maybe by then he’ll have a dad and all of us can go together and meet his donor so I can say, ‘thank you for this incredible, amazing, funny kid that you genetically helped me create.’
Instead? I said, ‘come here and lets talk about it’. I hugged him and said, ‘he’s just a guy who helped me make you because he knew how much I wanted you to love.’ And with that – it was back to Alex, the lion from Madagascar, who is FAR more interesting than all that dad business.
I have a few more years I think…..