10 02/21/2012 life Seasons

The Winter of My Discontent.

I realise this winter has been one of the mildest ones on record, in the history of all Canadian winters EVER, and it’s been downright balmy, all told. There have been some super sunny skies overhead too. Just lovely! Truly wonderful. But I have to tell you: it’s still totally blows. I do not enjoy the winter time. I just don’t. (And you can’t make me.)

Two weeks ago, The Groundhog said we have (only) six weeks left of winter. Well, whoop-ditty-do. *twirls index finger in slow circles* Let’s be serious – this is Canada. It’s cold. It’s cold until June-ish. And I hate it.
I hate it.
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Hate, I say.
I love a good dusting of snow around the holidays, but by the time the New Year rolls around, I’m done with winter. And by that time, we’re merely TWO WEEKS into the longest season there is. Bah, humbug.
I do not embrace winter activities because I loathe being cold. I remember ice skating as a child… I remember falling sometimes and smacking the back of my head against the ice, or landing on my butt so hard, I was absolutely certain that I had, in fact, broken my ass. I remember my toes getting so cold, I thought I’d never walk normally again. I’d limp over to the broken-down shack located rink-side, to “warm up” which was impossible since indoors, the temperature hovered barely above zero degrees celsius. (Maybe because the door never closed properly.) It smelled funky in there too, but enduring the sweaty foot stench was necessary, if one wanted to keep ones digits free and clear of impending frostbite. The hot chocolate for sale was more like scalding hot pond water, which besides being disappointing and terrible, it never ceased to burn my tongue, no matter how long I waited to sip it, which also seemed like forever, especially when you’re the one holding the styrofoam cup that drip… drip… drips all over your mittens and snowsuit. (Every time, Jesus? Really?!)
Throw snow down the back of my jacket? I. Will. Cut. You.
I remember playing outside in the snow with friends sometimes (since that’s pretty much all there is to do in the wintertime) but then wanting to be the first to go home again. I don’t know if my snowpants were crappy or what, but I’d quickly get wet and cold, and would want to go home and cry myself to sleep, but my friends (the kind who ski) wanted to LIVE outdoors for-EVER! And while we tunnelled in the deep snow, playing Inuit and patting the dome-shape on our super-bad igloos, I was outside, on the verge of complete and total panic, worried about the roof caving in which would suffocating the lot of us, and knowing my mum would be eternally pissed that I let my wee sister join in our reindeer games, as she’s just been crushed to death an all. Good times.
I remember making tobogganing runs in deep, virgin snow, on hills with murderous inclines. And anyway, isn’t there some concrete under that snow over there? We’d climb the epic steepness, towing the sled, and my sister, and my sodden snowpants feeling h-e-a-v-y as I waded hip-deep up the massive mountain, hopped into the stupid plastic deathtrap, and launched down the hill at warp speed, which practically took flight after her thirty-five-pounds fell off the back end… and I naturally came to a screeching halt as I smacked right into a concrete half-wall which was buried from view.
The force of impact was so violent, it knocked the wind right out of me, and I quite nearly died. Of course.
So. I do not enjoy these sorts of things, as you can see. I never really did. And now I have two, small, snow-play-loving kids, and I don’t even own any snow pants – crappy, or otherwise. Until this year, I didn’t even own any sort of hand-warming gear that weren’t made of leather either. But, I actually bought some mittens this year. (And as it turns out, they’re not really warm enough, but they look fabulous with my stupid brown winter parka… fashion first.)
But please don’t hesitate to invite me skiing, or to your cabin in the woods – so long as it has a fireplace and a wine cellar, I’m your huckleberry – I’m just an apres-ski sort of gal. I will hang back, stoke the fire and read a book, while the rest of you risk life and limb in the tundra. I will pour the drinks, and I’ll even make the vittles! Just don’t make me go outside, please.
How do you love YOUR winter times? Do you go whole hog, or are you all, No Thanks! with a glass of wine on the side?
  • Tracey

    Oh, I have long underwear and stuff… I just don’t enjoy the stuff to do outdoors. It doesn’t thrill me at all. I just want it goooooooone. Poo!

  • Nancy

    Have you tried long underwear? Honestly Elita sells a good city one. Top and bottom. The trick is layers. Try it grumbler- winter is not going anywhere and will return every year. I know you can do it.

  • Maria

    I absolutely loathe winter! Funny thing is my kids feel the same way! They’ll go outside to play on the mild days, for less than an hour, before rushing back into the warmth. They are constantly complaining about their coats, boots, and hats, all the while asking me repeatedly, when will winter be OVER?!

  • Carol

    While I don’t like winter as an adult I have great memories of winter as a child. I loved building those unstable igloos that could collapse at any moment, or forts on either side of my driveway built to shield myself from a snowball war. I love feeling so cold then going inside and warming under a great blanket. Oh, to be young again!

  • Tracey

    My sistah! *hugs you* Isn’t is just dreadful?! I have that same guilt on and off about not taking my kids out to do more things… but only some of the time. Mostly, I’m happier to ply them with chocolates and movies so we can stay INdoors. it works pretty well, I must say… one day, they’ll be old enough to play outside by themselves. (like, maybe in FIVE years. Oy.)

  • Tracey

    I’m so happy the days are finally getting longer too – feels bad to wake up in darkness, and to have total darkness again at 4:30 in the afternoon. Indeed, living north of 60 would kill me for sure!!
    I’m glad you can do all that fun stuff – especially where you live. Snow in the urban spots is really more of a pain in the butt than F.U.N. (And doing the snowsuit dance with kids? Oh, I’ll be SO GLAD when that part of the season ends too. Ack!!)

  • Tracey

    I’m with you, Sonya. Once the twinkle of the merry-merry is gone, so too should be winter. If you need me, I’ll be indoors. (Ack.)

  • Chantel

    OMG FINALLY! Someone who hates this crappy thing called winter as much as I do:) I never liked it as a child and hate it even more as an adult. I do sometimes feel guilty because I should probably be doing way more with the children during the winter but I just can’t make myself do it. Good thing they have so many siblings to go out in the cold with lol!

  • Erin Little

    I like winter, but only if there is snow and wintery things to do. I enjoy both nordic and alpine skiing, snowshoeing, tobogganing, sipping hot chocolate around the bonfire and all that. I especially like it this time of year as the days are getting longer. Nothing sucks ball more than darkness at 4:30 pm. Ouch. I could NEVER live north of 60 – no way no how.
    I’m always ready for spring when it comes around. I get sick of the snowsuit dance.
    BTW, quality snowsuits and boots are a must!

  • Sonya

    Yep, me too. If it wasn’t for the “holidays” to distract me from the cold(ish) winter I’m sure I’d in a state of depression. There’s nothing about winter I like. Nothing. But if I have to take it..then this is my kind of winter! Come on spring!!

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