I haven’t been writing much since the sale of UrbanMoms but I felt compelled to tell this story. Before I get started I want you to understand that I have total perspective on this. It is not life or death. But for our little family it would change the path we had been happily traveling for the last 3 years. It would offer us unexpected challenges and surprising rewards.
The new coach had a singular vision and was determined to make his mark.
You know when, on rare occasions, something brutally unexpected comes and hits you upside the head with no warning and no preparation? This happened to me just this past Monday night.
My 14 year-old son has been playing A level hockey for the same team for that past 3 years. We love this team. We had experienced some less than positive hockey moments over the years but this team from coach to kids to parents was what every hockey parent hopes to be a part of. This was a truly exceptional community. The boys respected each other on and off the ice and friendships were solidified. The young coach was a role model to the boys using hard work, great leadership and a sense of fun to propel them to The Big Win this past season. It was a group that was excited to look to the next few years knowing that they would finish off their hockey “careers” together.
I won’t get into the nitty gritty of what transpired but, to sum it up, a new, very young and inexperienced coach leading a division winning team gets visions of grandeur and a mere 3 days before tryouts cuts my son from the team. Now, we all know that this is competitive hockey and every year you need to earn your spot. That is a reality. But after a commitment from the new coach to all of the players and a winning season with my son as a strong contributor (he even scored a hat trick in the final winning game), we never expected this and with only 3 days until tryouts my son’s options were limited.
These were teenage boys offering comfort and suggesting action be taken.
The hardest part in all of this, other than watching my son going through it, was the absolute lack of humanity from the young coach. I knew he didn’t “get it”. Having been a part of this amazing group for 3 years I knew the parents and players would be up in arms. At 14/15 years of age all these boys wanted was to stay together. They had a winning team and fabulous friendships and supportive parents. Why change a thing? But the new coach had a singular vision and was determined to make his mark so, for reasons that were never made clear, my son would have to go.
So, life gave us lemons. Bitter and sour and hard to swallow.
But, this is where the real story begins.
What is often most unexpected are the relationships we make with our fellow parents.
The response was completely overwhelming. There were notes from my son’s teammates expressing their confusion and sadness at this decision. Teenage boys offering comfort and suggesting action be taken to advocate and defend a friend who they believe was wronged. Texts and messages sent extolling the virtues of his character and his contribution to the team. Expressions of loss of friendship and offers to help.
We experienced something we would never have been a part of had this injustice not occurred.
From our fellow parents we received personal notes of support, action being taken and expressions of shock. But what really left an impact were the kind words around the sense of loss many of them felt at the fact that we – from Grandpa to little sister – would no longer be a part of their circle. This was so touching that I still well up thinking about it. We hope our children find a great team and a great coach but what is often most unexpected are the relationships we make with our fellow parents. There was no infighting, only support. There were no power struggles or egos, only encouragement and friendship. This is truly exceptional and I attribute much of that to the coach who set the vibe for the whole team selecting players and their families based on shared values. A rare and wonderful experience we as a family will always hold dear.
But it gets even better. People not at all involved with our son, some who don’t even know us, reached out with words of concern and offers to help. The kindness shown to our family during this time has not only restored my faith in humanity after a negative experience gave me doubts, it has taught our whole family a valuable lesson in community and the power of good. We experienced something we would never have been a part of had this injustice not occurred.
A rare and wonderful experience we as a family will always hold dear.
Despite the fact that he will not be on this team, the power of what transpired is not lost on any of us. We are extremely fortunate and grateful and our hearts are full. Thank you to everyone who advocated, wrote a note or stood up for what is right. This is definitely the positive side of competitive sport.
Do you have an inspiring story of community support? I would love to hear it as I am sure we are not alone! Please share in the comments below.
I know that this is a story from last year but it is the first time that I read it and it is very sad. It should never happened to any player at any level. When my son was in PW A the coach wanted to bench him for the provincial finals. What saved my son during the week-end was that my husband was a assistant coach and he told the coach that we win as a team and we lose as a team and that all players should play the same amount of time. It was A level hockey. None of these kids were gonna make it anywhere in hockey and they all wanted to come play competitive hockey because they had passion for the sport.
The year later at 13 yrs old my son decided to not play competitive hockey and play house league instead. Then he decided the same year to become a hockey Referee. That turned out in his favour because today at 20 yrs old he is the youngest Head Referee at the Junior B level in our region and he they are supervising him to go higher in Ontario.
This sounds like a normal hockey experience. boys get cut, it’s just how it goes. They can cut kids right up until the start of the next season. So before you shout your story to the world, don’t. Get over it.
Courageous comment “anonymous”. You totally missed the point but why am I not surprised. This was a celebration of community and friendship and a far greater perspective. I guess deep thinking and compassion just ain’t your thang.
I understood just fine, thank you. I just think it’s funny how a mother such as yourself would be so immature and call coaches inexperienced, they have most likely been playing the game longer than your son has been alive. If this blog was about community you would not have dragged on the “unfortunate” situation that is just as much a apart of hockey as playing the game.
I teared up reading this. What a wonderful community to be a part of.
It really, really was.
What a ‘when life gives you lemons’ Jen. I know you’re trying and ARE seeing the positive – it enrages me. I have heard so many issues like this in hockey, baseball etc. My cousins son experienced almost the exact thing that your son just did. and it still boils me. Hugs!
and i see you titled your post that….okay im a loser
I’m beyond the rage thing, Sara. The good thing is that my boy has great perspective and a strong sense of self. I can’t imagine how a more vulnerable child may have handled this. That is where I worry about the “system”.