Did you know… 70% of girls believe they don’t measure up in some way.
I recently had the pleasure of attending the Dove Self Esteem Summit for Girls and I can tell you I was extremely touched by the experience. Watching the young women on the panel talk about what advice they would give their thirteen year old self was emotionally overwhelming but very therapeutic. Here’s my advice to my 13 year old “self”:
If I could go back in time and talk to my thirteen year old me I would say nothing to her at first. I would instead give her a hug. Then I would pause, look her straight in the eyes and say “It will be okay”.
Life was not easy for me at thirteen.
It isn’t easy for any thirteen year old – girl or boy but when you add in a dad who drank too much, struggles with school because of learning disabilities and separating your time between two homes (my parents divorced when I was two), you could say life was less than perfect. Back then I would dream it could be perfect and wished it could be perfect. I think I obsessed about perfection all these years simply because life seemed pretty dam un-perfect all those years ago and I thought if it was perfect I would be happy.
I was never any good at sports growing up (probably because I gave up too easily) and felt extremely uncomfortable when I was the last kid picked for gym class games. By high school I hid behind my humour. I still do. I make fun of myself a lot – maybe a bit too much. I would also say sorry a bit to often too.I am gaining a lot of insight into those old days and I feel confident that I could speak to my thirteen year old self with strength, wisdom and courage now.
I would tell my thirteen year old self to believe in your talents (take the time to explore what they are). I would say = “Don’t give up Leigh – have faith in your future . You won’t believe me now but all this pain in your life has purpose”. I would tell her to never be afraid to tell the truth. Share your pain and experience with others one day so that they too will learn that they are not alone.
I would tell my thirteen year old self to laugh more and cry less. I would tell her not to sweat the small stuff. I would tell her to choose a partner who is nice to the waitresses (when she is busy and running behind) and of course, kind and sweet to their mother. I would tell her to listen to her own mom more often and to have patience with people. We all do the best we can – including your mom and now you!
I would tell her to appreciate the people in her life more because they don’t live forever.
I would tell her to be kind to herself. Who is going to love you better than the person staring right back at you in the mirror. I would tell her to have faith in change and to embrace it. I would tell her to work hard and not to look away just because it is hard or uncomfortable. I would tell her that the dark and depressing days will pass if she doesn’t obsess about being happy.
That pretty girl in pink would look back at me with surprise and disbelief. She
is still angry at thirteen and unsure – but she won’t stay like that forever. Look at who she has become…..A wonderful mom who is kind and forgiving, honest and fun. She has character at 37 and wisdom. She is you little girl… be proud!
Please join the Dove Self Esteem Fund 🙂 and inspire a young girl today! Dove also has a mentoring program if you are interested in becoming a facilitator.
mcourtois says
This is a wonderful letter that I also could have wrote to the 13 year old me. I wonder why when we are 13 we feel so alone just to discover 20+ years later that almost all our friends were feeling the same way… I guess at that age we are very self centered and have yet to discover the world.
I also want to thank you because in some ways, your letter is helping the 13 year old that is still hiding inside me.
Tracy B says
I am wondering where did you get that statistic “70% of girls believe they don’t measure up in some way”?
That sounds about right. The way society is right now, girls will NEVER feel like they can stand up to the insane measures that are put on them. There needs to be some changes..
Carrie says
Goose bumps!!! What a beautiful post one that every 13 year old girl should read!!
Pat Clark says
Wow! This is one of your best. My heart is aching for that 13 year old and I’m so proud of the 37 year old. Where did all your talent come from?
Leigh says
LOL – No I don’t tap dance anymore but I SHOULD!
Jen says
OMG, Leigh. In many ways this could be me at 13. I absolutely LOVE this post. Your honesty is amazing. Thank you.
Juddzz says
I would never have guessed you to have experienced awkward, painful years! Your memory of gym class disappointments echoes my own! We never really leave behind the sad, insecure young girl of our past but we do learn to nurture her as you have so ably demonstrated in this post.
Well done!
Jacki says
Wow, am I misty! GREAT post, Leigh. Very, very well-written and so raw.
(Can you still tap?!) 😉
Leigh says
Ohh my godness – thank you Christine. Again I had tears running down my eyes as I wrote it. I swear this writing is the best therapy ever! I don’t know why I put this off for so long. I have known for a long time that writing would heal the past! I have been feeling so good lately and I know it must be from this writing!
Christine says
Leigh – this is BY FAR my most favourite thing you’ve ever written!