Categories: Family

‘The Cheekiness Of Geese’: Inside The Bizarre Mind Of My Son

Life has been so so so busy lately I have been a bit worried my son has felt left out. We went away for his birthday to a local resort to celebrate him turning nine and also my recent venture into self-employment. I took a leave of absence from my day job to focus on my family and do some digital marketing work. My son and I went for a walk at Harrison Lake to discuss what our new life is going to look like and catch up on things. This is what I learned:

1. We need to unplug. My son has decreed there is a need for 2.5 hours of unplugged time from electronics time per day and we need to go outside more and go for walks. These walks can start when I’ve recovered from the current strain of the bubonic-plague-cough-death thing I’m currently rocking. He’s cool like that.

2. He’s kind of machiavellian. I asked him what kind of animal he would be if he could and he said a cat. Why? Because they can survive on their own in the wild so they don’t have to be loyal. WELL OKAY THEN. I had no idea.

3. He’s a tiny bit judge-y. Apparently, geese are the cheekiest animals because they shake their butts at everyone and really should be more modest. Also, he informed me that it’s illegal to hunt Canada geese and so we shouldn’t hunt them because he wouldn’t want me to go to jail over dinner – since he would be turning me in. Also, there’s a museum that has machines that can tell what you last ate and when, and then we would be found out, even if he didn’t turn me in. See above: cat with no loyalty. For the record, I don’t own a gun or hunt and have never eaten goose so this all very hypothetical. My child is a terrible accomplice apparently, which is important information I guess.

4. He has heard about plural marriages where men are married to more than one woman and he thinks I should explore that and have more than one husband so I have more people helping out at home. He doesn’t think it’s fair that most marriages involving more than two people are men with many wives and women should be able to have many husbands also. We really didn’t have enough time to adequately address this concept but I did explain this is called “polyandry” and occurs where there are very few women. I just love that he thinks more people should be cooking and cleaning for me.

I loved spending time reconnecting with my son and I am excited about this new chapter in our lives. I look forward to more time discussing the cheekiness of geese, his political values and how many people should be waiting on me hand and foot while unplugged from my electronic devices. Until then, pass the tissues! A-choo

Alison Tedford :