It has been a number of months since I began this duplicitous life. I know it can’t last. And, really, I don’t want it to. The last while has been a period of self-discovery but also intense emotional pain and stress. The deception is killing me but it is also what keeps me getting out of bed every morning. I have never felt so alive but I ache at the thought of those I will hurt and fear paralyzes me from taking action. Truthfully, I don’t know what I will do. I know I can’t stay but the thought of leaving my life is unfathomable. I am not that person. Or, at least, I wasn’t before.