When I was first separated I actually thought I would likely meet a man very quickly whose wife had died and we would combine our families and we would re marry and have a great different kind of life together.
No laughing now. I know it sounds a bit Disney.
I love children and the prospect of helping raise someone else’s never worried me- in fact I thought it would be incredible. I always say I want more life always, not less.
More than 4 years flew by- they were years soaked in legal matters, emotional upheaval and
the invigorating but polarizing energy involved in rebuilding my work, my home and my life with my children.
I did not (yet?) meet this man and I did not marry him. I did many other things I am grateful for and as we all do, I keep re adjusting the picture.
I have discovered a tremendous amount about myself and what makes me happy.
Intellectually, I know what I have and am grateful for all of it. The problem is that I think I should be allowed to have everything I want if I work really hard for it and stay open to it.
Logically, I can discuss family, friendships , work and good fortune.Great and busy life- yes blah, blah, blah. But I like the whole enchilada with the works, please. I think – and although it is not for everyone and many, many divorced people never want to go there again– I am meant to be with someone.
It is funny that I find myself loving my life and then suddenly it creeps up on me- all of it is just not quite enough.
Right now I am alone in the sense we are talking about and I don’t prefer it. If it is a stage then okay. But if it is the way it is going to be for me, I have a Plan B but I like Plan A better.
I know this is not the independent, happy go lucky side of me you have seen. I am that a girl too. But this is also the truth.
It is the interesting thing about life. You just don’t know all of what lies around the corner. And how long and tough those corners might be.