The last two weeks have been utter chaos in our house. L’il E is making the transition from diapers to underwear and it’s been an experience. The books make it all sound so romantic, but potty training or potty “learning” is total BS. I’m not diggin’ it!
Now I know some kids pick it up right away with little problems and I’m sure the books have some merit, but I’m so fed up right now that I’m feeling rather skeptical.
So without further ado here are 8 things you can expect when you cross to the other side – the scary (and very messy) world of underwear.
1. I hope you don’t have any white furniture! Every surface of your house will be a landing pad for poo and pee. It’ll get messy. Your kid will deliberately pee and poo in his/her underwear while looking you right in the eye.
2. Your sweet, precious little one will turn into a complete psycho. Expect tantrums, fits, freak-outs, sleepless nights, irregular eating and general bad behaviour.
3. You think you bought enough underwear right? Ha! Think again! You’ll need at least 20 pair so don’t buy the super expensive ones at the chic boutiques, go to Walmart and buy the waffle undies in bulk. Your little one will go through at least 5 pair a day (I’m not exaggerating!).
4. While you’re at Walmart stock up on laundry detergent and stain remover. You thought you did a lot of laundry already.
5. Leaving the house will feel like the newborn days all over again. Don’t leave the house without multiple change of clothes, underwear, wipes and plastic bags. The one time you think he/she won’t take a dump while you’re out he/she will. I have the badge to prove it.
6. Bribery will be your new favourite tactic. This is no time to hold back on sweets, treats, and stickers. Use whatever it takes to get those cute little butt cheeks to sit on the potty.
7. Put your life on hold. You will have no time to do much other than follow your toddler around with the potty. You will be on constant watch.
8. Laugh and celebrate each small success. You’ll want to rip you’re hair out and maybe punch a hole in the wall because damnit you just want your kid to succeed. So to keep your sanity remember to try to have fun with it and don’t let it get to you. Before long they’ll be using the toilet and these days will be a distant memory.
So I hope I haven’t scared you too much, but it really is this bad. I recommend ditching the books and just following your kids lead with obviously some soft encouragement on your part.
What have your experiences with potty training been like? Any tips for the newbies?