Nothing squashes a passionate sex life like having children. With romance on the mind this Valentine’s Day, parents may be wondering when they’ll get some alone time. A healthy sex life helps keep intimacy alive in your relationship—but what if you can’t get a night alone?
When it comes to sex when the kids are around, a quickie is your best friend. You’ll need to think outside the box and be, ahem, a little more flexible. But that’s what also adds to the excitement of sex after becoming parents. Here are some tricks to keep your kids busy, so you and your partner can get even busier!
1) First, you need to learn how to lie (and not on your back). We mean lying to your kids like you’d lie to get out of a speeding ticket. You and your partner should develop a code when the mood strikes like, “I’m just going to go take a quick shower” while the other follows closely behind, saying, “I think Mommy/Daddy forgot their towels”. The same works for the laundry room, closet, garage (or other lesser used rooms in the house). You’ve just bought yourself four great places in the home to do it in less than…five minutes.
2) The bribe. It should be noted, naturally, that kids should be kept entertained and safe. If they are already busy and look like they’ll still be enjoying whatever activity it is, it’s time to briskly walk to any one of your secret quickie locations in your home. You don’t have long. If the kids aren’t busy, and you want just a few minutes of red hot passion, bribing, like lying, is your best option for an unforgettable quickie. After all, it must be snack time somewhere. Kids can be pretty naive and will take the chocolate chip cookie and the iPad without further question.
3) Chores. It’s also a perfect time to make them clean their rooms or organize their school bags (two birds, one stone, amiright?) If your kid is a bit older, get them to do their chores. Sure, kids don’t last long cleaning up, but they’ll likely get distracted by something—giving you enough time to fit in a quickie.
4) Do the prep work. It may sound counterintuitive to prepare for a quickie, but it can make all the difference. Flirt with your partner and think sexy thoughts in the moments before. Sext your spouse, even if they’re in the same room, something like, ‘Meet me upstairs in five?’ It’ll get their motors started and now you know the plan is in action. It definitely helps to go commando around the house, so you can have that quickie…um, quickly! A quickie can’t be accomplished if you’re too layered up. Plus, there’s something so damn hot about having your partner slide aside your skirt (plus, double points for not having to get dressed after!)
5) Time Change. Set your alarm a few minutes earlier. Even if you can’t open your eyes, research shows that your libido may be a little more awake in the morning. A quickie is actually a very nice way to wake up. If you have young ones, try to shake up your usual time for sex by doing it when the baby naps. If you have older kids who need distracting, you and your partner can take it to the shower together. We’re moms, so we’re used to doing more than one thing at a time anyway, right?
6) Turn up the volume. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it in the shower or the laundry room, you’ll probably want to have a quickie in your bed. Cool. Turn on the television, fan, noisemaker, or whatever will silence your sex noises! Hopefully, you’ve raised your kids to know that if the door is shut, stay away…far, far, away! (maybe lock that door just in case, though…) But remember: squeaking bedsprings are not your friend, so get them oiled before you commence your quickie!
7) If you’re going to lie to your children, at least do it well! If you say you’re going to to the washroom and will be there a while, make sure you bring a magazine with you. Yes props are needed! Equally, if you tell them you’re going to throw a load of laundry in, at least take the washing basket with you. And while time is of the essence, make sure your clothes are on properly and you don’t have the ‘I just had a quickie’ hairstyle… if you know what I mean.
8) Check off every room. For fun with your partner, why not try to ‘christen’ each room in the house with a quickie? Good luck!